Pissue Paper

June 22, 2011

2011-09-28T08:37:00.000-04:00

Today was a big day. We met up with a former coworker of mine. She is from Japan but I met her while she was on a visa in Canada. Turns out she got the same idea and is currently in Australia.

So today my coworker, my Aussie, my Aussie’s friend, and myself made a trip to the Melbourne Museum, where we spent about 3 hours wandering through each of the sections.

We also ended up at the Melbourne Aquarium but I took a lot of pictures there, so I'll save that for its own post.

June 19, 2011

2011-09-26T08:26:00.000-04:00

What I really love about Melbourne is the immense variety of architecture. No two streets look the same. There is such an eclectic mix of old with new, classic with modern, familiar with strange.

June 18, 2011 (Australia time)

2011-09-24T07:49:00.000-04:00

It was impossible to wake up this morning. Our view looks onto a brick wall that is probably a grand distance of 1m away from our window. We get no sunlight. This is not in the least conducive to getting over jetlag.

We went to the Queen Victoria Market today. It was close to our hotel and would allow us to get some fresh fruit and veggies for our room – something I, in particular, had been looking forward to since leaving Canada. For so much of the year we get our food imported so I’ve been counting on fresh, local produce.

What I was not counting on, however, was the price.

$12.98 for 125grams of blueberries?! Are you for real? What, are they specially manufactured, dna-spliced blueberries? Good lord.

In other news, I now feel a little more like I’m in Australia – kangaroo! Maybe not in the form I was expecting...

The market was pretty cool, it was quite large and had many stalls with many interesting things to choose from.

Back at the hotel we had ourselves a nice little picnic of cheese and dips.

June 18, 2011

2011-09-22T07:31:00.000-04:00

Sitting in the hotel room, watching tv with all the Aussie accents. Strange thing about Australia and this move is that it’s somehow scarier to be here than it was for me to move to China on my own. The thing is, I find it easier being in a country with a different language because it’s nice to be able to use the language barrier as an excuse. Here, if I do something wrong or stupid, it’s harder to have an excuse. If I’m confused here, I feel stupid. If I watch the news and am half-listening and think that they’ve been talking about (and showing replays of) rugby only to be told it’s football – I feel stupid.

I feel a bit of shock every time an Aussie opens his or her mouth. I keep expecting the comfortable Canadian accent and slang, that ever-present “eh”, and am always slightly jarred to hear the crazy Aussie accent. I feel like I’m in a film that’s been dubbed, like the voices don’t quite match the faces.

Being in the hotel is kind of a safe place. All airports and all chain hotels are the same, generally speaking, around the world, so I haven’t yet been fully exposed to “Australia” so to speak.

And also, I've been here 14 hours and have yet to see a kangaroo.

June 17, 2011

2011-09-20T07:29:00.000-04:00

I’m travelling with a born and bred Australian who has been away from home for the last three years and never made it further north than Melbourne. So while I have an advantage with a local, most of this trip will be new for both of us.

We are in the Pearson Airport. It’s really late. Actually, it’s technically really, really early. My family has gone home after dropping us off and are likely already asleep, preparing for the next day of their regularly scheduled lives, while I prepare to live on the direct opposite side of the world.

Our flight is really long, but smooth. I am watching several movies while trying to ignore the children pulling back on my seat. If this flight is so much as an hour longer, I may whip around and smack some good manners into the mother who is refusing to control her children.

We are at the Hong Kong airport which is huge and completely deserted.

I wish we could explore Hong Kong for a couple days – I never did make it down while I was in China. The view from the flight is beautiful and makes me vow to myself that I will return someday for a bit of sightseeing.

I’m told I’ll love Tim Tams and since this is my first encounter with one, I consider this my first “Australian Meal”.

It’s totally more Chinese than it is Australian. I know this. But still. A Tim Tam!

In the Melbourne airport with our entire life on one trolley.

It has begun.

April 19, 2011

2011-09-16T08:30:00.000-04:00

My Australian visa was officially just approved. I have a nice long letter from the Australian immigration people. I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry. I just keep staring at the letter waiting for it to come to life with a song and dance congratulating me and welcoming me to the wonderful land of no winters, funny accents, kangaroos, and baby-thieving dingoes.

Australiaaaaa!

2011-09-15T08:27:00.000-04:00

August 23, 2011

My newest adventure thus beginneth! I am in Australia, the land down under, the place stereotypically renowned for blonde suntanned, surfer bodies, for killer bugs and snakes, for gorgeous beaches, and for foreign phrases such as “crikey!”, “throw a shrimp on the barbie”, and “how ya goin’?”.

I’m no longer the travelling English teacher, but feel like the travelling English student, as I navigate through the unfamiliar, and often bizarre, terrain that is the Australian accent. As I post entries from my journals written since first receiving my visa acceptance letter in April, you might find that I seem more shocked by Australian customs, speech and way of life than I did in India or China. Frankly, this is sometimes exactly how I feel. Perhaps I relied too much on how similar Canada supposedly is to Australia – maybe I didn’t prepare myself for the culture shock. Maybe I relied too much on North America’s simplistic, one-dimensional view of the land down under and felt that I already knew everything. Perhaps after experiencing such obviously different cultures in India and China, I overestimated myself and felt that nothing could equate or surpass the adventures I have already lived.

Regardless of the explanation, the fact of the matter is, I’ve thrown myself into Australia, now I’ve gotta live it.

I'm sorry!

2011-04-02T08:16:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I don't have an excuse for my inexplicable departure from this here blog. Goodness, it's especially rude considering I left in the middle of a riveting, edge-of-your-seat tale that included running away from a charmed snake, naan with Nutella and peanut butter, the Ganges River, telling the time via a massive sundial, roaming the streets with elephants, shoe shopping, crashing a wedding, and of course, the majestic and unbelievably stunning Taj Mahal.

There's a thousand words behind each photo, but my trip in India is now past and I have a new adventure to recount, so I'm going to allow the pictures to speak for themselves. Enjoy.

Charmed snake

Busy busy busy

Nutella and peanut butter naan

On the Ganges River

Yum

Elephant in front of Hawa Mahal

Sundial

Shoes, shoes, shoes and more shoes

The wedding we crashed

Is it just me, or does this camel look really tall?

Peekaboo! Taj Mahal!

Taj Mahal at sunset. Stunning.

Day 6 in India

2009-03-22T21:08:00.003-04:00

Feb 21/09

We're in Haridwar now. We decided against Varanasi. Actually, the fully booked train decided for us.

Back in Canada I had decided not to bring my Lonely Planet Guide book with me to India because it was huge and weighed a bajillion kg and I'd have had to pay extra for the extra weight on the plane (K, maybe it's not that heavy), so instead I photocopied what I thought would be the necessary pages. And what I thought were only necessary were Delhi and Varanasi, not taking into account the total unreliability of trains and buses and general transportation in India.

So based on the recommondation of Rajan we hopped on a whiplash-inducing 8 hour, dirty, gross, squishy bus ride and started heading to Rishikesh.

I cannot fully emphasize the state of this bus. It had plastic seats, was small and crowded and was more reminiscent of a city bus like the TTC than a long-distance bus meant for hours and hours and hours of SLAM stop. SLAM go. SLAM stop. SLAM go. And oh man, the insistent, steady horns! Just like in China, the way vehicles announce their presence is by blaring on the horns and when you have hundreds of vehicles on any given road at any given time, it gets loud.

Very, very loud.

And then... oh, this is hard. I'd rather put it out of my memory. Oh my word, the mosquitoes. The mosquitoes! Constantly buzzing, flitting around your exposed sandal-clad feet. I nearly drowned myself in repellent, but I'm proud to say that I escaped with only one bite on my toe. Thus far, anyway.

So yeah, we're in Haridwar. We're supposed to be in Rishikesh but when there's a bus strike going on between Haridwar and Rishikesh, what can one do?

Well, if you're Indian you can easily make a few calls and find a place to crash for the night (at this point, it was midnight). And if you're a young foreign girl, you can blindly trust a nice man when he tells you he'll find you a cheap hotel.

So here we are. In a 500INR per night hotel. In Haridwar. With no way to get to Rishikesh.

And this hotel is really gross. I don't know if this is my Canadian standard speaking or if I'm basing it on what I expect Indian conditions to be like. The pillows were once white and now they're a deep grey. The sheets were also once white but are now a muddy brown, with splotches of blood. Yes, blood. Oh wait, did I say sheets (plural)? I mean sheet (singular). There's just the one covering the mattress. And then there's a 50kg duvet insert folded up at the foot of the bed. No cover. Just insert.

We met another Canadian (represent!) on the bus. We saved her from the same man who tried to direct us to the wrong bus. She's been travelling around Australia, Nepal, India and surrounding areas for the past two months and is going to continue on for another three months. The stories she has are pretty incredible and make me regret further that I actually agreed to come for only two weeks. Two weeks! What was I thinking?

Anyway, hopefully the buses will be running tomorrow and we can get over to Rishikesh. It sounds like an interesting city. It was apparently put on the map by the Beatles in the '60's as the place where they found enlightenment and transcendental meditation. It is also the birthplace of Yoga and has the nickname of The City of Yoga.

Our loose plan thus far for the weekend (if we can get there) is to do some yoga, maybe some white water rafting, lots of meditating and attempting to find our inner selves. We also hope to hit up Rajiji National Park which is supposed to have every animal under the sun but whether or not you see them is a different issue.

Day 4 in India

2009-03-21T19:55:00.000-04:00

Feb 15/09

Today we went to Connaught Place Area: a huge traffic circle that branches off into many smaller streets filled with shopping of all kinds. Everything from Western shops like Levi's to smaller Mom and Pop shops selling custom-made traditional Indian wear.

The whole place was pretty cool, hectic beyond all belief though with all the cars, trucks, taxis and scooters etc.

We went to the underground bazaar where I bought myself a bag for this weekend in Varanasi, since all I have is my massive backpackers bag. So this one's a nice cute little thing that will fit one or two changes of clothes. I paid 300INR or approximately $7.50CAD.

And then I bought a pashmina for way more than it is worth but the man selling them was so cute and friendly talking about wanting to take his fiance to Cape Town for their honeymoon, that I just fell into his trap, hook, line and sinker and paid about $8CAD.

Day 3 in India

2009-03-20T18:50:00.000-04:00

Feb 18/09

After we finished teaching at 12:30 we were picked up, quickly ate a hot, delicious lunch and were driven through ridiculous, insane traffic with construction galore (they're building a Metro system here in Delhi), overcongestion of cars, rickshaws, 3-wheel taxis, bikes, scooters, motorcycles, buses, trucks, cows, pedestrians, dogs and whatever else could possibly squeeze itself onto the road.

After about an hour and fifteen minutes of dangerous navigation on behalf of our driver (who later ripped us off), we arrived at Jama Masjid - the largest mosque in India. Truly stunning.

It took about 14 years to build and is made of red sandstone and white marble. Apparently the view is particularly stunning from the towers but as unaccompanied women, we were not allowed to go up.

When we first arrived, we were not allowed in because our arms were showing and this is indecent exposure for a holy place. So they provided us with robes that looked like hospital gowns. Sexy! We didn't feel that out of place or ridiculous though, as every other foreign woman there had one on.

We braved the traffic some more and next headed to Red Fort (Lal Qila), a huge fort that took 10 years to build - which isn't surprising as it's 2km long and up to 33m high in some parts. Unfortunately, we didn't realize just how huge is is and didn't give ourself nearly enough time to explore. And just to make matters worse, my camera battery died. But the pictures I would have provided you with would have looked something like these.

After that we were rushed off to Raj Ghat, the place where Mahatma Gandhi was cremated after being assassinated. It's a large park, and in the very centre is a very simple marble slab with a flame marking Gandhi's cremation spot. The whole park is quite beautiful, well-kept, green and filled with many trees.

Our driver then took us to ITDC - Indian Textile Development Corporation. An Indian fabrics factory where the prices are fixed and supposedly cheapest (but isn't that what they all say?). We might head back another day because I really would love to get a saree or a pashmina.

I've decided that I'm in love with India - it's big, loud, suffocating, dirty, poor, polluted and - at times - unsafe, but it's so completely and totally full of life that I think it's hard not to get a second-hand high off of it.

Happy School

2009-03-19T13:33:00.003-04:00

So a bit about the school at which I'm volunteering.

We were supposed to be situated in an orphanage for mentally and physically disabled children in the outskirts of Delhi - about 45km outside - but Rajan decided for some reason that we'd be better off in the middle of the city at the school run by volunteers, and for students who can't afford public school.

So instead we're staying with Rajan in quite comfortable accomodations - I mean, yeah, we had to give up the luxuries of the orphanage such as squat toilets, no electricity, no running water, no clean water, lentil soup, lentil soup and more lentil soup, but I supposed we'll manage here.

We teach from 8am until 1pm, including a short break and a small bowl of lunch. Today, my first day, we taught them volleyball, which none of them had ever played, seen or heard of before. And then we moved on to English lessons where I basically tried to gauge what level they are at.

The school is called The Happy School and is run entirely by volunteers. The story behind it is quite incredible.

It was started by the principal Kamil Capoor on her front lawn with only 5 students from her neighbourhood. It quickly began to grow as more students showed up in her classes and people began to offer their assistance and to volunteer time. Eventually it moved to the road, and then a small building nearby until it finally grew to the small school that it is now.

All of the teachers are volunteers, all the food is donated, all of the books, computers, playground equipment, and even the school itself was technically a donation.

You can check out the website, http://www.thehappyschool.in/ and feel free to donate in any way you can. Trust me, they can always use the help and this way you know where it's gonna go.

Day 2 in India

2009-03-18T13:02:00.001-04:00

Feb. 17/09

So this is technically my second day in India and I feel a lot less of a culture shock than I thought I would feel. It reminds me a lot of certain areas of China, specifically Xinjiang province.

When we were flying over Delhi, at first my thought was "oh wow, big buildings" but then it became about the smaller buildings. And then about the big houses. And then about the smaller houses. And then I fixated on the huts, the hundreds of huts dumped together on one block, housing how many hundreds of people, I couldn't even begin to guess.

It was remarkably easy getting out of the airport. It never ceases to amaze me how generally universal the whole airport ordeal is: customs, security, ridiculously long waits for your luggage.

I found Rajan, my coordinator easily enough, he had a sign with my name. We hopped into his car - on the left side, I might add - and started heading towards the city of Delhi. Honestly, I didn't pay that much attention to the scenery as I couldn't get over how much like bumper cars it felt, sitting on the driver's side without driving.

We've spent our afternoons exploring the general area around us, managing to find a Baskin Robbins! And it looks and tastes exactly the same as it does in Canada.

And today we made horrible pasta with tomato sauce for Rajan and his wife. The only thing we could find in the 'grocery store' (more like a convenience store) was a massively large can of pureed tomatoes and a small can of Ragu pizza sauce.

We ended up boiling the water with a bit of onion and garlic and added half the can of pureed tomatoes with the whole can of Ragu sauce and way, way too much pasta.

The whole thing was ridiculously bland. Not just by Western standards (which is remarkably dull compared to the wild, spicy, exotic tastes of genuine Indian food) but by every standard in the world.

We were embarrassed.

Very, very embarrassed.

I'm not even sure how we ended up agreeing to make the pasta for them, and honestly, if I wanted to go about making Western food for other people, it wouldn't be through half a can of pureed tomatoes, a can of pizza sauce, and two bags of macaroni pasta.

Nah, I'd go with a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich.

PS when I say "we" I'm generally talking about myself and the other Canadian that I met in China last year. We kept in touch over the months and decided to go on another adventure together.

London Calling

2009-03-17T12:13:00.004-04:00

Feb. 15/09

I'm now on the Underground in London heading to the stop called Piccadilly Circus which is where all - or most - of the big tourist sites are.

The Underground kind of smells, but the seats are comfy and it's rather clean.

There is an oddly large number of advertisements for Canada. Specifically Alberta.

I'm at the airport now. Once again with far too much time to waste. I'm proud to say that even with the shortage of touring time, the utter lack of knowledge of London, the rain, and being alone, I got a lot accomplished and had tonnes of fun.

I got off at Piccadilly Circus and ended up walking the wrong way from - literally - just about everything.

So typical.

I didn't really clue into my going the wrong way until after I'd walked for maybe 25 minutes. And yes, I did have a map - but in my defense, a map is useless if you don't even know where you're starting out.

Eventually, I turned myself around and found St James Park with Buckingham Palace next to it - honestly, that bit was kind of boring. I don't remember Buckingham Palace being that... I dunno... plain. Which makes me wonder if it was actually Buckingham Palace I was looking at. According to my very close analysis of the map, it was. But that's really not saying much, considering I walked in the wrong direction for nearly half an hour.

My camera battery died right before I got to Buckingham Palace. I did, however, get some shots on my phone.

I saw and took many pictures of the Parliament Buildings, Big Ben, Westminster Abby, Westminster Cathedral, Wellington Arch, Westminster Bridge (I was too far away from London Bridge, unfortunately) and the Thames River.

I walked through St James Square, Leicester Square and Trafalgar Square.

I watched part of a cavalry show at the Horse Guards Parade Ground.

One thing I would LOVE to live in London for: their libraries. They have so many of them! All over the place! If I had only a week to get a better dose of London, I would spend at least 3 days devoted to exploring the various libraries.

On the way back from my day of vigorous sightseeing and getting lost, I actually managed to find the correct route back to the airport, and I think this fact alone makes me eligible to live in London - there are 14 different routes, and in Central London they all merge and crisscross.

So you all need to know that I'm a truly amazing person, just for that fact alone.

Pre-departure

2009-03-16T11:51:00.003-04:00

Feb. 13/09

It seems to be a sort of ritual of mine to stay up until ungodly hours the night before travelling. I've convinced myself it's to get used to the time difference. I don't want to be caught jetlagged and utterly exhausted.

Yes, I realize that's rather a moot point as I'll be exhausted from getting a mere 2-3 hours of sleep for several consecutive nights.

Feb. 14/09

I'm at the airport. It took me exactly 14 minutes to check my baggage, go through security and find my gate. I've got 2 hours and 20 minutes until boarding and I've already been here for 40 minutes.

I'm deathly bored.

It's Valentine's day so there's no one I feel I can safely annoy with phone calls.

What's likely to happen is I'll stop at one of the restaurants here and eat my boredom away. And then I'll regret having done that - having eaten as much as I did - because I won't have the luxury of a stable private toilet or space to move around, sprawl out and be comfortable. Then I'll land in London and be bloated and possibly constipated and how much would that suck? Being bloated and constipated in London? Probably almost as much as it'll suck being bloated and constipated in India.

Although, by the sounds of it, with the warnings people have given me, I'm more likely to have problems of the other variety - the explosive variety.

This is what happens when you're sitting in an airport bored and alone, you start writing about explosive bowel movements.

I've just discovered that my flight has been delayed. Oh joy. I'm making the best of it by sitting here with a grande Double Chocolatey Chip Frappuchino from Starbucks.

I just changed $40CAD over to Rupees. It came to 1400INR. I can't even begin to describe how rich that makes me feel.

Pissue-Paper has Moved On

2009-03-16T10:13:00.003-04:00

I have been really lax in my blogging, I realize. Actually, that really doesn't sum it up, does it? "Lax" implies that I was merely slacking, when in fact, I completely stopped. No excuses, really. I'm sorry.

But! I'm back! And I just had a lovely time in India. I spent two weeks volunteering at a school in Delhi. The kids were awesome. The other teachers were awesome. The school itself was awesome. The four days of touring at the end was awesome. The whole goshdarned experience was just awesome!

My one and only regret is that two weeks was not nearly enough time. But that's ok, that just means I'll have to go back some day.

But for now, I will actually be updating this blog with pictures and stories of my far-too-brief stay in India.

T-Minus Six Hours

2008-06-28T01:24:00.003-04:00

So, school is done.

The children have left.

I'll be leaving for my next adventure in a few hours.

Gah.

This is all incredibly bittersweet.

I'll be heading out to catch an 18 hour sleeper train that will take us to Xi'an, where the infamous Terra Cotta warriors are. After that we're catching another billion hour train ride to Lanzhou, the home place of pulled noodles where there is the most incredibly precise and specific technique to making them. It's insane. And delicious.

After a day or two there, we'll be hitting up the province of Xinjiang. The most western province of China, it borders 8 other countries, most of which are middle eastern, there is a major influence of said countries and in many places one can expect to forget they're even in China: the language is different, the food is different, the writing style is different, the religion is predominantly Muslim, it should be awesome! We'll be touring the Silk Road and the Gobi desert before eventually flying back to Shanghai.

At that point I will be leaving the rest of my fellow travellers and making my way up to Beijing for about a week before I fly home to CANADA on July 22nd.

I plan on taking approximately 38, 000, 002 pictures and then posting them along with my adventures (of which I'm sure there will be many) when I get back to Canada and to the land of non-dial-up and crappy connections.

Until then...

Apples vs Watermelon

2008-06-12T07:00:00.003-04:00

Let me explain to you the Chinese education system as it was explained to me:

You go to the supermarket where there are apples and watermelons. Apples are university and watermelons are high school. Apples are 9RMB and watermelons are 8RMB. You can afford apples, and you can afford watermelons. You may want both, but your mother told you to get apples. What happens if you only have 7RMB? Too bad, you can't have either, go back to work and make more money.

For all you non-metaphorically inclined people: if you have good enough grades you can go straight into university after middle school if that's the direction your intended career path is heading.

Apples = university.
Watermelons = high school.
Money = grades.
Mother = career path.

This may seem crazy until you consider how different the age and grades are:

Kindergarten - age 5/6
Primary School, grades 1 to 6 - age 7-12
Middle School, grades 7 to 9 - age 13-16
High School, grades 10 to 12 - age 17-20

So there ya go, bit of random edumacational trivia for you.

Right Now!

2008-06-11T07:29:00.003-04:00

I'm on TV right now!

WJTV - I speak (mumble) a bit of Chinese, I welcome the viewer to the school (in English, with lots of enthusiasm), I teach one of my lessons, I play games with my students and I talk (pretend to - there's a massive language barrier) with the other teachers.

Such fun!

It'll be on again in a couple hours, so if you're skilled at time travel, are in the area and have a television nearby you can check it out!

Canadian

2008-06-09T01:05:00.000-04:00

You know you're Canadian when...

You make a slide show for your grade 7 students about different food in Canada and how it's usually quite international, and then devote two entire slides just to Tim Horton's.

Beast

2008-06-06T04:29:00.002-04:00

Last night at around 9:00, one of the teachers came knocking on my door. She came to deliver some of these funky fruits for me to try.

It's some kind of a berry with a pit in the middle.

I don't know what it is about the teachers here, but they'll never fully enter my room, but nor will they stay outside. Instead they stand just inside the doorframe so I can never actually close the door.

9:00 in the evening is a bad time of day to keep the front door open. Check out the absolute beast she let in. Scared the crap out of me when I went to turn out my light and the creature flew into my peripheral vision.

Speaking of bugs and creepy crawly things, I found this huge dragonfly in the stairwell today.

Smelly

2008-06-04T08:42:00.001-04:00

I wish this blog could post smells.

There are a lot of things in China I wish you could smell.

Like the sweet-flavoured popcorn I just made to absolute perfection (for once).

Or the deoderant I bought yesterday (yay!).

Or the smell of bus exhaust mixed with cigarette smoke mixed with chow mien mixed with raw meat.

Ok, maybe not the last one. Unless I was in a particularly bad mood and felt that misery deserved company...

Oh Happy Day!

2008-06-03T09:58:00.004-04:00

I FOUND DEODERANT!

Seriously, there were several days and several moments where I felt like posting about my lack of deoderant and subsequent fear of BO, but there's a reason it's called "personal hygiene".

I felt that this was a cause for celebration though, and since a celebration is always merrier with more people, I figured, "meh, presumably my readers are all human, of course they'd understand, so why shouldn't I share this fantabulous news?!"

I FOUND DEODERANT!

I found three sticks in the supermarket, snuggled between the condoms and the hair removal products.

China doesn't really have deoderant, I'm not sure what they use - if anything - to make themselves smell pretty, but honestly, I've never noticed an intense BO smell, so I never really thought anything of it.

Until I ran out of my own personal stash of deoderant.

I had read before I moved out here that deoderant hardly existed, so I stocked up on what I doubted would be enough but figured I could easily have some sent over. The thing about this logic, is that it's best to ask for some more before you run out.

Or it's best not to rely on the Chinese post when you choose to ask for more.

The post is extraordinarily late in sending me my deoderant. I don't even wanna tell you how late, because it's not a pretty number. Of course, now that I've found some here, I can guarantee it'll show up tomorrow or the day after.

You know how you don't realize how much you love something until it's gone? Deoderant is a perfect example.

I got really paranoid about how I smelled: I showered two or three times a day, focusing especially on my armpits, which just gave me a rash; I changed my clothes constantly; I minimized my movements as best as I could, standing at the front of the class, stiff as a board, with my arms at my side. I was like one of those meerkats with their nose always in the air, sniffing away, and the second I smelled something funky I'd freak out that it might be me. In the meantime, in the back of my head, there was always that bit of trivia that you can never really smell yourself, and that made me freak out even more, because if that smell I smell is actually me, good lord, I feel sorry for everyone else.

It was a vicious circle because I'm pretty sure all this paranoia and worry about how I smelled just made matters worse.

But it's all good now, because...

I FOUND DEODERANT!

Storm

2008-06-02T07:42:00.020-04:00

We had the most awesome storm last week. It was so incredibly intense that there's honestly nothing I can compare it to in Canada - well Southern Ontario, anyway.

Naturally I left my window open, because it really couldn't work out any other way, could it? All my clean clothes that were hanging to dry were soaked and muddied because the screen was so dirty, there's water damage on the walls and around the windows, and the front door leaked enough water to flood a quarter of my room. The field was basically just a giant puddle by the time it was all finally finished.

I had a couple classes during the storm, which was actually a great educational experience for the kids: at the beginning of the semester I taught them about weather and "storm" was one of the words, but because we never had storms at the right time of day they only knew the English words through the photos I showed. So now they can say "it is stormy." Isn't that exciting?

It was so adorable though, because they were so terrified of the thunder and lightning, they'd jump in their chairs and their eyes would go super wide, and they'd run up and hug me for protection from the storm - I felt like Maria from The Sound of Music. Again. Except I didn't "sing" this time.

It's my birfday

2008-05-30T04:08:00.002-04:00

Hello folks!

21 year old Natalya comin' at ya!

Today is my birthday in Canada, and yesterday was my birthday in China and for another couple hours it's my birthday still in Hawaii. I figure since I'm all the way out here in China I might as well celebrate in an international manner and therefore I am selflessly stretching my birthday out for a full 36 hours.

Yesterday the school gave me a gorgeous bouquet of flowers and a large, lavish cake with lots of sugary, sweet icing. I found that the cake was more air than it was substance, but it was pretty good nonetheless.

Anyway, happy birthday to me!

Earthquake

2008-05-13T09:45:00.003-04:00

Hey folks,

Just sending out a note to all you concerned and wonderful people:

I am alive and well. Only very minor tremors were felt in my area, even though we are a huge distance away. I personally did not feel it, but people downtown in the city just a few minutes away did and were obviously startled. A piece of my school's roof fell off - but I don't know if that was because of the earthquake or just ridiculously coincidental timing.

It was, however, definitely felt in Shanghai and in Beijing - cities over 1500km away from the quake as well as in a few of the surrounding countries. This is said to be the worst earthquake to hit China in over 3 decades - registering at a 7.9 on the Richter scale - and the death toll has now reached an estimated 1200 people. In the meantime there are thousands of survivors buried under fallen buildings, just waiting to be rescued.

Unfortunately, it's events like these that remind me how fragile a life is and how insanely grateful I ought to be that I'm even alive.

It also reminds me that I have many awesome, kind, caring, and concerned people in my life. So I'd like to thank you all for your emails, messages and phone calls - I am indeed alive and physically far away from the tragedy.

Watermelon

2008-04-30T08:48:00.002-04:00

It's pretty self-explanatory if you just watch it.

Lobsters

2008-04-30T07:47:00.000-04:00

As you know, my school gives me gifts. Strange gifts. Well, I think they're strange anyway. That's not to say I don't like them. I most certainly do. I like strawberries, and pears, and apples, and oranges.

Tomorrow is May Day. China gets the day off basically to thank its workers and labourers for all they do. So I guess in celebration of May Day and the long weekend, my school gave me lobsters.

A great big, steaming bowl of lobsters.

I swear the bowl had to weigh about 10lbs. I am honestly not exaggerating.

What They Said

2008-04-29T05:49:00.003-04:00

I was reading old entries from my journal from before I left Canada for China and I thought I'd share this one with you over a couple of posts.

"You know, their food is so fresh you have to catch it yourself, eh? "Here chicken, c'mere chicken, cluck cluck." And when you want milk, you'll have to catch the cow..."

The Country

2008-04-28T11:30:00.002-04:00

This weekend I hung out with a couple of my students – cousins that live about 45 minutes out into the country.

I was super excited as I’ve wanted to see what the country life of China is like. Not that I know a whole lot about country life in Canada. But still.

Before going to their house we went to Dalin Temple to do some praying. I was given a bundle of incense sticks labelled with “happiness” in Chinese. After lighting the entire bundle I held it in both hands, raised it to my head and lowered it down to about my waist, and repeated that movement twice, followed by three short jerky shakes before sticking the whole bundle into a pile of previously lit sticks that had disintegrated to ashes.

After roaming around and checking out some more of the temple, we climbed a mountain.

It’s not really a mountain but a big hill that’s been given the name of a mountain. At the top of the mountain was a pagoda about 5 stories tall. We climbed this too and were rewarded with a magnificent view. And this time, my camera worked.

On the way back down I found a cemetery. The others weren’t as interested in it as I was so we didn’t get to explore, unfortunately.

We stopped at their place for some lunch. In parts of Canada, living in the country means driving up to twenty minutes (or more) to visit your next door neighbours. It’s not as drastic in China, but given the population that’s really not surprising. There were a lot of fields surrounding the area with various plants, veggies and fruits growing.

And they had dogs! I was too busy petting them and playing with them to take pictures. Apparently I was well-liked with these dogs. The family seemed genuinely surprised that the dogs took to me as quickly as they did. Made me miss my pups back home though.

After eating a delicious meal – in which they seriously over-fed me with everything they could think of because they didn’t know what I liked - we headed down the block to a farm park

The park had playgrounds with climbing equipment; a pond where we played our own version of bumper boat; an obstacle course in water (which I was reluctant to join but glad when I did); and a small museum chronicling the use and growth of farm equipment.

On the way back to the school, we stopped at a fruit market where I was completely spoiled with various kinds of fruit and I can now officially say the infamous jar of fruit in my fridge now has company.

*Will add pictures when my internet stops being an ass. You can expect a sudden, dramatic overload of posts (most likely without pictures) as I get frustrated with the accumulation of unpublished but completed ones gathering in the edit posts folder.*

I'm On The Radio-oh-oh

2008-04-25T03:22:00.003-04:00

Today, just before heading for our lunch break, one of the Chinese English teachers approached me and asked if I was busy after lunch, and if not, would I go to the local radio station and record an advertisement for our school? Um, heck yes.

So directly after lunch we trooped on over to the local station where I was asked to simply say (in English) the full name of our school.

I’m embarrassed to say that it took several tries and that at one point they were considering just having the Chinese English teacher say it instead. But they realized that my accent would almost definitely work at bringing in curious people. Apparently my first several tries weren’t enthusiastic enough, were too quiet, I didn’t sound happy, or they wanted me to sound younger (what? Really? You want a twenty year-old teacher to sound younger?). So finally I refused the chair and did it standing up in only one take.

Afterwards, though, they asked if I’d be willing to do an interview for the local news (or it maybe a commercial, I’m not entirely sure), I’d most likely just have to talk about some aspects of my Canadian life and talk a bit about teaching in China. Naturally, I said yes.

Anything for my fans.

Fire!

2008-04-24T07:11:00.007-04:00

So I was in my room this afternoon, getting ready for my last class when I heard the usual chatter and screaming of my students outside. When I looked out the window in passing, I saw what appeared to be all of my students heading out to the field.

Curious as to what was going on and whether or not I’d still be teaching my usual class, I grabbed my camera and ran out to join them.

In Canada, a fire drill consists of notices being sent out to teachers ahead of time with the approximate time of the upcoming drill and any further instructions needed. A piercing, annoying, and ridiculously loud alarm goes off; the students freak out in excitement, are yelled at (in vain) to line up single-file and then traipse out to the outskirts of the school property – all the while chatting to their friends over the scream of the alarm.

In China, a fire drill consists of everyone in the entire school traipsing outside to the track field, bunching up in their classes behind boundaries drawn out in chalk in the grass; directly in front of them are about 100 dust-covered fire extinguishers. The local fire chief (dressed in a suit) talks into a mic for a while, demonstrating how to use said fire extinguishers (the first try will be on a faulty one that refuses to work). The students then take turns using the extinguishers to put out one of three fires steadily roaring in a big bowl, after which point they’re re-lit by one of the off-duty security guards. The whole process is repeated about 380 times.

That’s China vs Canada for ya.

Check It Out

2008-04-17T09:12:00.005-04:00

The day after I post a blog about random, unknown fruit I get an entire box of that exact fruit. I kid you not, there are approximately 54 of these things in that box.

And the school gave me a box of strawberries to go along with them. Yay!

PS: this is my 100th blog post. I'd like to dedicate this particular post to the wonderful, kind, far too modest person who made this all happen: me. You saw that coming, didn't ya? Oh well, it's my blog and I'll do what I want.

Cheers to enough inspiration and adventure for another 100 posts!

What's for Breakfast?

2008-04-16T05:53:00.007-04:00

Good gracious, not another post about food!

Yep.

I was just wondering if anyone wants to play a game called "What's Natalya Eating for Breakfast!?" If you say it in a really loud, excited, game-show-host voice, it actually sounds like a pretty cool game. Just sayin'.

I often walk into the office to find random food sitting on my desk, and more often than not, I honestly don't know what it is, who it's from, or - embarrassingly enough - how to eat it. So it wasn't such a new occasion to find random fruit sitting on my desk, and I hardly noticed that requisite feeling of embarrassment and stupidity when I realized that I'd have to either ask someone how to eat it, or attempt to figure it out on my own.

Well actually, I can't really ask anyone here. I mean, I can, but I won't because it's been too long since I got them. And I already brought them up to my room, so I can't bring them back down to the school after three or four days and say "by the way, what is this? and how do I eat it?" That's just awkward. And while awkward moments define my life, I like to avoid them whenever possible.

So, what do you think they are?

At first I thought they were pears, but they aren't the right texture to be pears, and they don't smell like pears, and are pears supposed to be that bumpy? If so, these pears are bumpy pears. But I'm fairly certain they aren't pears. Is it even pear season? (I wonder how many times I can fit the word "pears" into this "pear"agraph...)

I'm really not sure how I should eat this fruit (I am about 98% certain they are, in fact, fruit), should I just bite into it? I suppose I don't have much of a choice, I don't have any utensils. Except for chopsticks - and there actually is a limit to what one can eat with chopsticks.

Can I eat the skin? It could be like a banana, maybe I'm supposed to find some way to peel the skin off.

Maybe this is some weird, funky fruit where you're only supposed to eat the very middle, like just the seeds or something.

Or maybe you're not actually supposed to swallow it. It could be like eating raw bamboo, where you just chew out the juice and the flavour and then spit it all back out.

Seriously, do you see what I have to go through!?

Canada is Uptight.

2008-04-15T07:00:00.004-04:00

Canada has far too many rules.

Don't get me wrong, I love Canada. I have an unhealthy loyalty to Canada and everything to do with Canada. I never shut up about Canada. I dream about Canada every night. I say "aboot" and I say "eh" all the time. I use "eh" so often that I'll type it in msn conversations without actually noticing I've used it. I'm pretty sure that if I wanted to, I couldn't actually count how often I use "eh" in one day because I wouldn't even notice that I've said it. Really, it's almost an illness, this extreme love I have for Canada.

But Canada just has too many rules.

It's currently a fairly big deal in Toronto that hot dog stands are considering diversifying a bit. They're thinking of adding salads and fruit to go with their street meat. This plan has been in talks for quite some time now.

Meanwhile, on random streets all over China, you can get yourself barbequed and seasoned chicken, beef, pork, lamb, duck, squid, fish (depending on how close to the water you are) to go along with your grilled or barbequed veggies.

And the veggies? Oh good lord, don't even get me started on the veggies you can get! Too late, I started on the veggies when I started this post. You can get beans, cucumber, carrots, bamboo, eggplant, potato, cauliflower, broccoli, tomato, peppers (hot or sweet), onions, corn, mushrooms and those are just the ones I can actually name!

Oh, not feeling the grilled veggies today? Not in the mood? That's ok, just walk down the street and watch them make you some chow mein (stir-fried noodles), or some fried rice, with whatever you want in it. Or maybe have some roasted chestnuts or peanuts. Or a candy kebab. Or a fruit kebab drizzled in rich, sugary syrup.

And don't even try to claim a lack of money, because none of this is ever gonna cost you more than one measly Canadian dollar.

K, now I'm hungry.

Field Trip!

2008-04-14T07:35:00.005-04:00

On Friday all the first graders and the teachers went on a field trip to the local zoo.

It was fun but a bit disconcerting to be just as much an attraction as the lions and snakes in their cages and the trained dolphins doing their fancy tricks. I was approached several times by kids wanting to get their picture taken with me. It got rather annoying when the students from other schools would turn around and stop watching the monkey in its cage to watch me, the foreigner with white skin, light hair and big eyes.

Oy, the irony.

PutuoShan Island

2008-04-10T02:51:00.005-04:00

Last weekend was a long weekend for us folk out here in China. They have what's called by some, "deathday". It's simply a day in which family and friends gather and pray and remember those that have passed.

So on Wednesday I bought my ticket to Ningbo where I would meet a fellow Canadian, and the Australian and American from the Harbin trip.

We stayed in Ningbo for one night, then first thing in the morning headed out to PutuoShan Island. We took the bumpiest bus ride of my life out to the ferry - which was incredibly fast and rather bumpy on the choppy waves. But I was cool with that, I slept for most of the trip, the windows were placed too high to comfortably look out of, anyway.

PutuoShan Island is considered a very holy piece of land. It has a population of about 3000 permanent residences and a lot of those are the monks that live in the island's many temples, nunneries, and monasteries.

After spending far too long looking for a hotel that wouldn't rip us off we wandered around the island, visiting the beaches and the temples, posing with the statues, and just generally taking it easy.

That is, until we climbed the mountain.

Ok, I am all for climbing mountains. I love mountains. I think mountains are swell and superb. I've always wanted to climb a mountain. Who doesn't wanna climb 297m of Mother Nature? I would just prefer it if I didn't have the beginning symptoms of "hacking-up-a-lung-itis". I'd also prefer it if not everyone else was at least half a foot taller than me - or if that extra height was in their torso and not their mile-long legs. I would have preferred it I hadn't forgot my belt back home and didn't have to constantly readjust my jeans. And finally, mountain climbing is that much more satisfactory if the battery in your camera does not die out when you finally get to the peak. I'm just sayin'.

The view really was simply stunning.

Y'know when someone mentions something like "a buddhist retreat in the mountains" and people usually picture this mountainous landscape with a temple stuck here and there among the trees and monks are wandering around doing the things that monks do and there's this peaceful fog or mist settling around the peaks? It looked exactly like that. Unbelievable. I'll be getting pictures from the others this weekend.

Mountain climbing is exhausting. So we went to bed at about 9:30.

The next day we relaxed in the hotel room for most of the morning until we found another footpath that led to another monastery that was so much fun it deserves its own post. So keep tuned for that in the next few days.

Too Drugged

2008-04-09T07:46:00.005-04:00

I'll be making this one short and sweet as the medication is making me feel too drunk and tired to concentrate.

So here's a brief teaser of the soon-to-come tales of mountain climbing and seafaring.

See, now you're curious and confused: what do a kettle, dead frog and peanut have to do with mountain climbing and seafaring? Hmm... you'll have to find out after the break!

Disgustin' I Tells Ya

2008-04-08T11:30:00.003-04:00

So I decided to share the love and videotape myself taking the "unbelievably horrid and putrid and nasty and repulsive and gag-worthy and grotesque and disgusting aaand just really really gross" medication. Because I'm cool like that.

I'm not exaggerating. It is seriously so gross.

EDIT: I believe I fixed the sound on the video.

Back Again

2008-04-08T03:30:00.006-04:00

Hello, my lovelies. I'm back.

I haven't got much of a legitimate excuse for my absence from my blog. Writer's block, I suppose. Or maybe I was climbing mountains. Or maybe I was attempting to stand on sea legs on stormy oceans. Or maybe I was lying in bed with a nasty chest infection lovingly presented to me in part by the polluted airs of China. Or maybe, just maybe it was actually all of the above.

I've spent the past two and a half days in bed, not moving. The school started to get worried, I guess, and when they saw that I had completely lost my voice, I had a terrible cough and that I'd been unable to eat much, they immediately sent me to the hospital.

Apparently we woke the doctor up from her nap, she didn't seem terribly pleased to see us. I didn't care, I wasn't terribly pleased to see her, either.

This, apparently, is what's going to cure me:

I have no idea what any of it is, but I do know how much I have to take and how often. They all come with instructions, which are entirely in Chinese, but it's comforting to know that at least they know what's going on.

At the end of the day I will have consumed a total of 14 pills and 30ml of prescription drugs.

The little brown pills look - and probably taste - like rat poop (not that I've ever tasted rat poop. So really, this is a bad comparison.) and I realized after I swallowed them that maybe I was actually supposed to chew them? Check the instructions, stat!

The liquid stuff tastes so unbelievably horrid and putrid and nasty and repulsive and gag-worthy and grotesque and disgusting aaaaand just really really gross, it made me shudder so hard that I nearly fell out of my chair. No joke. A shot of gasoline might make it taste better.

Afterwards, I went out and bought my own medication: chocolate ice cream. Which I'll have to eat with chopsticks since I still don't have any spoons.

Anyway, my apologies for the MIA blogging and I look forward to updating you on my adventures of mountain climbing and sailing the stormy oceans.

What They Said

2008-03-27T06:19:00.002-04:00

I was reading old entries from my journal from before I left Canada for China and I thought I'd share this one with you over a couple of posts.

"Wow, not only is China not in the same province or country, it's not even in the same hemisphere. Now your parents are actually gonna miss you."

Let's Go Fly a Kite

2008-03-27T05:45:00.002-04:00

It's been the perfect weather for flying a kite. An added bonus is that the location of the school provides us with a steady wind almost every day. So really, all we need to worry about are the sun and a decent temperature.

And in perfect harmony with the weather, my camera decided to work today.

Chocolate

2008-03-25T07:20:00.003-04:00

Today I had a craving for chocolate. A rumbly in my tumbly, if you will.

This is a very normal occasion for me and wouldn't normally deserve a mention. But today it came with the very distinct feeling that this could be remedied - my spidey senses were tingling, if you will. That I quite possibly actually had some of this particular piece of heaven in my presence.

But this is an impossible notion.

When it is near me, the very idea of chocolate is a paradox: if there is chocolate, there actually really is no chocolate.

Because I'll have inhaled it.

Anyway, the point is, I just spent the last little while turning my room upside down to see if I can disprove my own "chocolate paradox" theory.

Turns out I can't.

Detergent II

2008-03-24T08:04:00.002-04:00

So, I managed to flood the sink area of my room when I forgot to the turn the water off while doing laundry...

Oops.

Just Another Day

2008-03-24T07:29:00.003-04:00

Dealing with classes of 40+ kids all aged 7 or 8 can get a little hectic.

Sometimes they don't listen. Sometimes they don't understand. Sometimes they feel rebellious. Sometimes they simply don't care.

Because they're little kids one can expect them to get into fights over - what seem to me - the littlest things; break into tears at the drop of a pencil; randomly decide it'd be funny to scream all their answers at the top of their lungs in a pitch only dogs should be able to hear.

Considering all of the above, it was really just a relatively normal class in which a broken computer, unruly class, nose bleed and sob-fest were involved.

The class started like it usually does: I was welcomed with a chorus of cheers and greetings when I first walked in. The thing is, they didn't stop after a minute like they usually do. No, it took a good five minutes for me to get them calmed down.

When I moved to the computer to start the lesson, the machine just decided it would be fun to have a "let's make Natalya's life miserable and unmanageable" day by not working. The computer is entirely in Chinese so when it gave me options I had to just guess at which might get me on the right track.

Meanwhile, the class is getting impatient and the kids are starting to get loud again. I don't really blame them, they'd been getting stir-crazy with the rain keeping them indoors.

Eventually I had the computer fixed and the class relatively calm before one of my students stood up in utter shock and confusion: there was blood all over his desk and hands and an impressively steady stream was pouring from his nose.

I told him as best as I could - considering the language divide - to talk to his homeroom teacher in the office and get cleaned up. He turned around with blood dripping onto the floor - marking his path to the door where he grabbed the handle with great ceremony and both bloody hands, yanked it open and left. I had a girl follow him to make sure - while his head was tilted back - he didn't walk into anything and end up with more blood.

Eventually he returned with a wad of tissue stuck up his nose and joined in the games as if he hadn't just nearly drowned in his own blood.

Shortly after the blood fiasco, two girls started bawling. I have no idea what happened. The only thing I could understand through their gasping, sobbing explanation (said entirely in Chinese) were the emphatic, accusatory fingers pointing at the boy in front of them.

At this point I officially decided this was far too much drama for a 35 minute class and chose to forego the lesson I had actually planned and we played games instead.

Sigh. Just another day with the kids.

Detergent

2008-03-20T07:12:00.003-04:00

Hmm... Too much detergent for one pair of pants, wouldn't you say?

The Future

2008-03-20T06:36:00.005-04:00

Today all 250 grade one students, the teachers and I went on a field trip to the government building down the street.

I'm not sure of the exact purpose of this building, all I really know is that it houses all the government officials of this area and has these really funky dioramas of all the buildings, houses, rivers, trees, rocks, pebbles, homeless people (ok, not really) of our county.

My camera decided to work long enough for me to get a photo of the diorama of how our school should look in the future once ORTS is finally finished.

For a different view:

I Have Proof!

2008-03-19T06:12:00.003-04:00

Let this be proof to those of you who don't believe that the Transformers are real. I believed it as a child and this is why I'm not ruling it out now:

Bloomin'

2008-03-18T08:30:00.003-04:00

Spring is here. And of course that means all those pretty plants and flowers will start coming into bloom.

This is something I never really, fully paid attention to in Canada. I don't know if it's because I was just a young little thing back then or because plants bloomed so fast and unexpectedly that one day I'd wake up and every tree would be a sudden explosion of green. Maybe I'm keeping an eye open for it this year around because I'm in China and China is known for its magnificent flowers and plants.

Or maybe it's because this is the time of year students are most likely to learn about how plants grow.

Clearing the garbage and rocks out of the vegetable garden.

What They Said

2008-03-17T08:52:00.002-04:00

I was reading old entries from my journal from before I left Canada for China and I thought I'd share this one with you over a couple of posts.

I love telling people that I'm going abroad, that I'm leaving behind my life of comfort and predictable routine to start a life of new experiences, spontaneity and - most likely - gross miscommunication.

What I like even more are the reactions I get to this news.

Frankly, my dear, it's quite hilarious to see their faces and hear the comments they blurt out without thinking. I think I can honestly state I've seen more looks of disbelief and scepticism in the past few months than I have in my whole life.

And it's awesome.

Anyway, I thought I'd share some of the comments that have made me laugh, have scared me, or have made me question the relative sobriety of the commenter.

Some of the comments have been paraphrased.

"A friend of ours who went to China told us he lived off of rice and beer. You like rice and beer."

Thursday, February 7, 2008

2008-03-14T06:43:00.003-04:00

Well, our trip is officially ending. We caught a flight down to Shanghai. Figured it would be the best idea because of the huge snowstorm that hit China. Trains and buses were out of whack, not on schedule, the passengers were going stir-crazy and were reportedly violent – besides which the trains were way too packed because of the New Year and the fact that this is the time of year most people travel within China.

The flight was uneventful. We were all proud of ourselves for waking up on time and not missing it like we were so afraid would happen.

The service on the plane was pretty awesome though. It was a relatively short flight and yet we got a full meal with rice and chicken and snacks and a chocolate bar which was quite delicious, even given my propensity for disliking Chinese chocolate.

From the airport to the subway lines of Shanghai there is a train called the Maglev. You might have heard of it. It’s quite famous. It’s the fastest train in the world and is run entirely by magnetic force making it green and clean. It was a short and sweet ride, reaching a top speed of 431km/hr. Like a rollercoaster!

Shanghai itself was fun and is on my personal list of “Favourite Top Three Cities of the World” but I’ll save the details of Shanghai for next time I go back and have batteries in my camera.

It’s rather sad to realize my first backpacking trip is over and while I look forward to the comforts of my regular, steady life back on campus, I think I’d honestly rather do this for a while longer.

I quite like the chaos and not knowing what’ll happen next.

Another year?

2008-03-13T00:23:00.002-04:00

Well, I just got a call from the school headquarters.

I have been officially offered a renewal of my contract. And if I'm not entirely happy with this one, they have other schools they'd like to send me to.

They've given me some time to think this over.

Hmmm... food for thought...

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

2008-03-12T03:02:00.006-04:00

Happy Chinese New Year’s Eve!

Perhaps because we didn’t think things through; or perhaps we’re just not as smart as we give ourselves credit for; or perhaps because we got caught up in the backpacking lifestyle we lost track of time – but whatever the reason – the decision itself was not our most brilliant.

We ended up saving the ultimate tourist event of Northern China to the very last day of our trip that just so happened to be the Chinese New Year.

Thankfully, we had very few problems getting to or in the “Harbin Snow and Ice Big World”.

It’s a park made entirely of ice. Featuring world monuments like the Westminster Abbey, the Acropolis and temples made of ice, from top to bottom, including a fully functional concert stage.

In case you didn’t know, it needs to be cold for there to be ice, and so therefore, it was ridiculously cold. Cold enough that my camera froze and I didn’t get to take as many photos as I’d have liked.

A couple hours later the Chinese New Year’s cheer really began. All day long fireworks were randomly being shot off, on the streets, sidewalks, parking lots, off the tops of buildings. But when midnight started drawing closer there were multiple fireworks going off every 5 minutes on every single block in the entire city.

I am not, in the least, exaggerating.

For about 4 to 5 hours there wasn’t even a tiny lull between fireworks going off.

So far as I know, there are no – or very few – rules or regulations regarding fireworks in China. And New Year’s is the best time to truly discover this.

Nothing Chinese was really open, but good ol’ USABUCKS was, thankfully. So the New Zealander and I rang in the New Year with a couple beers and a walk the long way back to the hotel.

Dear Canadians

2008-03-11T00:16:00.002-04:00

I'm sorry for your recent cold weather and the snow you've been getting of the nearly-record-breaking variety.

If it makes you feel any better, out here it is currently sunny and 22°C.

Oh wait... I'm sorry.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

2008-03-10T06:39:00.005-04:00

You can tell we’re all getting a little tired and worn out from this trip. We just spent the day within a 5 block radius of our hotel. Taking it easy. Tomorrow will be a big day though. Tomorrow is the Chinese New Year.

I think that if I was to make the rest of my life a backpacking adventure, there are a few things I’d change:

I’d make a more regimented, logical daily schedule. Nothing that has strictly adhered to but one that will make it so that my first meal of the day is not at 6pm - where I don’t wake up at noon one day, go to bed at 3am and then expect myself to be able to function like a regular human being when I have to wakeup again at 5am. It’s really no wonder we’re starting to feel burned out.
I’d carry a lighter, comfier bag that has a water bottle holder on the outside.
I’d set aside one or two days specifically for resting. No expectations or grand adventures. Just a little R ‘n’ R.

There’s an ice bar just down the street from the hotel. The whole entire thing is made of ice: from the walls, to the chairs, to the shot glasses. It’s supposed to be modeled after the Russian stereotypes.

There was no Starbucks in Harbin that we could find. We did, however, find a USABUCKS. We figured we’d take what we could get. Besides, the resemblance between Starbucks and USABUCKS is really quite uncanny.

International Women's Day

2008-03-07T01:50:00.004-05:00

Tomorrow, March 8th is International Women’s Day. China is very much on top of this celebration. For the past week and a half I have been teaching the students a song to the tune of “You Are My Sunshine” that goes like this:

You are my sunshine, my dear mommy
You make me happy when I am sad
I want to tell you, how much I love you
I love you mommy, dear mommy

It was mostly written by another teacher with a bit of help from yours truly. It’s simple and easy and meant for the students to sing to their cats. Duh.

This morning the students made their mothers a card and directly after lunch we made dumplings for them to bring home to the women in their lives.

So, do let us follow the Chinese and recognize all those great women, whether they’ve influenced us directly or indirectly, the world certainly wouldn’t be the same without ‘em.

What do I do?

2008-03-06T08:33:00.001-05:00

So this is the plant the teacher bought me on the weekend:

Pretty, eh?

So here’s hoping the green thumb skips a generation and I can keep it alive for the 6 months it’s supposed to live for.

This is where you come in.

How do I take care of it? Do I leave it in the sun or is this one of those shade plants? Do I water it? Well, of course I water it, but how often? What’s it called? Do they grow in Canada?

Here’s what I know about it, to help you help me:

It’s red and green.
It’s supposed to live 6 months.
It was bought in China and possibly even made in China.

Grand Hotel

2008-03-05T06:04:00.003-05:00

I'm currently writing this on Jiahua Grand Hotel paper. Because that is where I am right now. In the bathtub.

It's actually March 1st, 2008.

I have a confession to make: I've never stayed in a hotel room by myself before. So when I realized I would get a room to myself I got ridiculously and embarrassingly excited. What made this realization so embarrassing is the fact that I have been in China completely cut off from any semblance of my Canadian life, living alone on a campus where the majority of people cannot speak a single word of English – and yet, staying by myself in a hotel is this new, grand adventure.

I can’t remember if in a past post I mentioned that the students and Chinese teachers are so enamoured with me that they’d like to take me home with them on weekends (not an ounce of false modesty in that statement, eh?). I was flattered and figured this would be a good chance to experience the “real China” and not just the touristy western-influenced China – like on my New Year Trip.

I figured right.

One teacher and her husband and her son - who is one of my students – has had me for the whole weekend so far. She has treated my like absolute royalty. The Chinese – I gotta say – are a very giving people.

Yesterday after work and after a brief shopping spree we met up with about 10 of her friends for dinner where every drinking tradition was thrust upon me. The Chinese – I gotta say – are a very traditional people. Honestly, one cannot turn down a tradition without being horribly offensive. No matter how you word it, or what excuse you give.

One tradition in particular is to prove your friendship to another person by each of you chugging three full glasses of beer in a row. Which amounts to a little over a bottle and a half per person. Before every drink you shout “gān bēi” and tip your glass in respect to the other person. This literally means “bottoms up”, so start chugging it down!

Afterwards we headed to a “Western Dance Party” club called Las Vegas. There is nothing western about this club besides the flags at the entrance.

I was the only female of about 5 foreigners in the whole club. Let’s just say I got a lot of attention.

This morning we went to what is essentially a tree farm. We were originally going to go fishing in the lake at the same park but there aren’t any fish at this time of year. There was an army training ground though - that was fun.

We headed to a nursery next, where there were easily over 200 separate greenhouses. After wandering through and looking at so many different beautiful flowers and plants, the teacher bought me potted cacti for my desk and a really gorgeous flower/plant for my room (which will deserve its own blog post later).

After the nursery we spontaneously stopped in at a roadside greenhouse that grew strawberries all year long. Mutant, huge and delicious strawberries.

We went for a hot-pot supper (you put raw meat and veggies into a pot on a boiler that’s in the middle of the table) where I ate about three different kinds of fish, duck tongue and “cow’s husband” (bull).

They reminded me constantly over the weekend that “Chinese people like to eat all animals”. Geez, now Westerners look discriminatory.

On the way back from the teacher getting her hair professionally cleaned (she has a lot of it) we were pulled over by a cop because she wasn’t wearing her seatbelt. That’s two run-ins with the law now since I’ve been in China. You can expect me to be deported soon enough.

We went back to Las Vegas where it was a much better crowd and the teacher and I each won a stuffed dog, literally by jumping up and down.

So now here I am in a bubble bath trying to remember every single detail of the past 34 or so hours.

I have a magnificent life.

Update: the next day she took me to meet her family. Her mother made me dinner and they repeatedly told me they wanted me to continue to be a part of their family. I’m scheduled to eat with them again the next time her sister is in town.

Monday, February 4, 2008

2008-03-05T05:56:00.003-05:00

Last night after we got back into Harbin from our "ski trip" (pfft, yeah right) we went to a Korean restaurant for supper where I had the same meal I'd had a couple days earlier.

I have no clue what it was. It was Korean, I'll tell you that much. I think I recognized cucumber in there.

But it was hot.

The whole dish was extraordinarily hot. Like, painfully so. But the good kind of pain. My lips were tingling half an hour after I finished. My nose was running so badly, it ran clean off of my face.

So this lovely hot Korean dish decided to give me food poisoning, which means I'm out for the day.

February 2 - 3, 2008

2008-03-04T06:28:00.003-05:00

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Today is slope day! Woo hoo! The climax of our whole trip! The whole reason we’ve been travelling for a week, enduring rabid dogs and police chases and multiple cases of mistranslation.

We were on the bus for two hours, making a stop to get those people without snowsuits a rental. Thank goodness for my funky new suit – there is something off-putting about sharing a suit with possibly hundreds of sweaty people exerting themselves, running up and down hills carrying skis or a board the whole time.

So we finally pull into the parking lot and this is the hill we’re supposed to ski/board down:

Umm… I’m pretty sure I made hills to toboggan down bigger than that in my backyard. How is this the best slope in China? Thank goodness I already know how to board so I’ll only have to spend a short while on this teensy little pimple of a hill.

Not so.

There’s no snowboarding here.

Whaaaat?

They offered us lessons on how to ski, I declined their kind offer because A) I’m feeling a little vengeful for being lied to about snowboarding, so I don’t want to give any more money to this outrage. B) they don’t speak English and I don’t speak Chinese. How were they expecting that to work? C) I’m Canadian. It’ll come naturally to me in a few minutes. Snow sports are inbred in Canadians.

Not so.

I fell my way down the hill a ridiculously high number of times, losing my stick thing in the process and managing to unlock my ski from my boot.

The only upside is that the hill was so small I could easily walk up to the top in a few minutes and fall back down in a few seconds.

When we asked the guide about the bigger hills and when would we get to go to them, he peered at us through his coke-bottle glasses and said that this was it, no more. When we pointed to the mountain directly beside us that had obvious ski slopes on them:

He said they were closed, the conditions weren’t suitable. And besides which, the package we signed up for didn’t offer alternate slopes.

So we resigned ourselves to the puny hill and enjoyed ourselves regardless of the disappointments.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

On the bus ride up we were offered a ride up the mountain to take pictures of the view. Of course we said no - we were going up to ski/snowboard, not look at the landscape and take pictures. Sigh. If only we’d known.

In the end, though, we ended up having a helluva lotta fun ourselves while the rest of the tour group took pictures. There wasn’t a single soul on the slope so the four of us rented a sled and a GT racer and had ourselves some races and contests for several hours. We got creative and tied the two together to see how far down the hill all four of us could make it before wiping out. Not very far, let me tell you. Unfortunately, I don’t have pictures as I didn’t want to break my camera.

The rest of the tour group got back and they invited us to join them on a walk up towards the mountain, where after a 20 minute walk we saw this:

A real live slope!?

Whaaaat?

And with a half-pipe?!

Whaaaat?

We weren’t impressed, to say the least.

Friday, February 1, 2008

2008-03-04T06:12:00.003-05:00

Today was spent acquainting ourselves with this beautiful ice city and attempting to find warm gear for the skiing/snowboarding/winter-sporting we plan on doing in the next few days.

We got ourselves a sweet deal at a travel agency to go up north another two hours where the best ski/snowboarding hills and resorts of China are. We’ll only stay there for one night. For the first little while of the first day we’ll need to stay on the bunny slope but once we’re finished and ready to move on to more hardcore hills we just need to talk to the guide and he/she will tell us where to go next.

So pumped.

I searched for most of the day and finally bought myself a good quality – if really bright – winter jacket and snow pants. I didn’t find any boots I wanted though. I’ve been stuck with the same Converse sneakers since I first got to China. They really aren’t winter-proof…

Thursday, January 31, 2008

2008-03-02T10:13:00.001-05:00

Saying bye bye to Shenyang today and hello to the key destination of our trip. Our mecca. This wonderous city in which it is cold and in which there ought to be snow and more ice: Harbin!

Alas, I have no fun, wild stories to tell for this particular leg of our journey. Now that we’ve got the two relatively fluent travellers with us our lives have become far too easy.

Oh, but the irony: there’s no snow.

At all.

None on the pavement, none on the sidewalks or the roads. None piled up on the curbs from the snow plough. Not even any of that really stubborn stuff that refuses to melt because there’s so much dirt and mud and garbage mixed in with it.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch (my school): they got over a foot of snow dumped on them. The most they’ve had in record time. The city is not anywhere near remotely prepared for this kind of snow. Pretty much the entire city is closed and huddled up in their homes, unsure of how to approach this much of the fluffy white stuff.

Sigh. Figures.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

2008-02-28T06:50:00.006-05:00

Last night when we finally made it to the hostel, the Australian was there. The one that was supposed to be with us but had food poisoning on the day we left. He brought with him an American. An American who can speak nearly fluent Chinese and can read a couple hundred of the nearly several thousand Chinese characters.

To celebrate the meeting of all our great, international minds, we went to a club where I had this much fun.

Today, however, we went to a park that housed the tomb of Tai Zong (Huangtaiji) who was the second emperor of the Qing Dynasty and the empress Xiaoduanwen, Bo’erjijite (have fun pronouncing those). The majority of the park’s buildings were made in 1643.

In the same park they had the most magnificent invention of all inventions. Ever. And why have I not seen them in Canada?! I present to you: ice bikes!

The other option was to try out these little chairs on blades and the idea is to push yourself along with really long, incredibly sharp metal rods. It’s grueling and it takes a while to get a hang of it, but it’s a lot of fun just the same.

Where art thou gone?

2008-02-26T22:53:00.003-05:00

Today, at lunch, I noticed something that made me pause with my tofu-laden chopsticks midair. This realization was actually quite startling to me and managed to occupy my thoughts for the rest of the meal.

I realized that the dining room has not served bat wings in a long time.

What does this mean? Are bats seasonal? Are bat-catchers or bat-breeders on strike? Are bat nutrients really only needed in fall? Has there been a recent scare of "mad bat"? Was I - yet again - a victim of mistranslation?

Have I spent the last four months thinking I'd been eating bat wings when it's only been cabbage?!

Quelle horreur.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

2008-02-26T09:24:00.002-05:00

Today we left Dalian and headed up to Shenyang.

Funny thing, we managed to miss our train by a very significant amount of time. As in, we woke up an hour after the train left. And this was with a hotel wakeup call and the one remaining cell phone's alarm set. After getting up to answer the hotel's wakeup call we figured 15 more minutes of sleep wouldn't hurt. Two and a half hours later...

Alas, at this point, all we could do is take a bus which took a while longer than the train and was less comfortable but still got us where we needed to go.

It did, however, take us about an hour to find the hostel we were staying at, all thanks to the Lonely Planet Guide we carry around with us everywhere. The book claimed it was only about 500m from the station, but there is no way an hour and about 20 blocks translates into 500m.

Just thought I'd ask...

2008-02-25T08:55:00.000-05:00

Anybody want a bean flavoured cracker?

Monday, January 28, 2008

2008-02-25T04:39:00.004-05:00

Another relatively uneventful day in Dalian, spent wandering aimlessly. We went to the same park as last night because we'd read in the Lonely Planet Guide that we drag around with us everywhere that there was a chair life and a luge ride worth checking out during the day. Alas, neither were open when we went. In fact, almost all of the park's activities were closed.

This is a map of the park. Confusing, yes?

At night, during our hunt for Noah's Ark (a bar recommended by the Lonely Planet Guide we drag around with us everywhere) we came across this totally rad Nepalese bar that had a massively long list of different, funky-named, colourful shots.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

2008-02-22T04:09:00.007-05:00

Dalian is a beautiful city and we spent most of the day wandering around aimlessly, taking in the sights, going wherever we thought might be interesting. I think this particular method of travelling may be my favourite, I don't particularly like keeping to a schedule, always rushing to get things done.

Considering how this trip has been thus far (being chased by dogs, picked up by police etc), today was completely uneventful.

View from the room.

Church KFC.

Underground market.

Reader, meet Joy.

China has so many people.

These cartoon characters were everywhere at this park.

How utterly disturbing is this?

Happy Chinese Lantern Festival Day!

2008-02-21T09:24:00.004-05:00

Today is the Lantern Festival Day. It is the first day of the lunar year that you can see a full moon (weather permitting). To celebrate, people will eat at a round table - to symbolize the roundness of the moon - surrounded by red lanterns with lit candles inside them.

Alas, the school did nothing to celebrate this day.

I, however, went to a park where last year there were hundreds, maybe thousands of red lanterns lit up. Of course, that was last year. Apparently it was a one-time-only deal.

This, right here, is Natalya's Lantern Festival Experience '08:

Aw, can't see what you're looking at? Here, let me help you out:

No? Here you go:

Yes, that's a lantern.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

2008-02-20T05:39:00.004-05:00

We left Yantai after having spent maybe 16 hours there. According to the Lonely Planet Guide we drag around with us everywhere, there really isn't anything to do. In fact, the real - and possibly only - reason we were in Yantai is to catch the ferry up to Dalian. Adventure!

Once again after a massive lack of understanding and communication, we hop on the ferry expecting (hoping, more like) it would be the 3 hour trip and not the 7.5 hour or - good lord, no - the 12 hour trip.

We ended up being on the 7.5 hour ferry. And while I realize that it really could be worse, it's hard to keep that in mind when you're on the ferry and the sun deck isn't open and you're stuck with 3 other strange men in a tiny little cabin with a window that's so dirty you can't help but contemplate that maybe you're actually underground and not on the sea. On top of which, one of the men most certainly had a terrible case of toe jam, as his feet stunk to high heaven and back.

There were buses in the parking lot as we stepped off the boat, taking people who knows where. We decided not to take one as they weren't city buses and we didn't want to risk ending up in the boonies or another city entirely. There were also illegal taxis offering to drive passengers around for a remarkably hefty sum. We chose to bypass these as well.

We walked around in the dark for about 45 minutes, noticing that the city lights really did not seem to be getting any closer. It got to the point that the only way we could go was onto the highway. Thanks, but no thanks.

After walking back for another 30 minutes changing the direction as best as we could, a cop car pulled up beside us with the lights flashing. Apparently three foreigners with massive backpacks warrant flashing lights and a U-turn.

What do you do when you can't understand a policeman and he can't understand you? Why, you get in his car, of course. And where does he take you? To the customs office, of course.

This was potentially the freakiest moment of our lives - right next to being chased by dogs anyway.

The customs official asked us if we spoke English, where we were coming from, if we were tourists, if we were from Russia - and if not, where were we from originally? We stammered and stuttered (partially from the cold and partially from plain nerves) our way through the grilling. Satisfied with our answers, he eventually let us go without any further problems.

Oy.

Why I Love My Students

2008-02-20T05:34:00.002-05:00

Me: "How are you?"
1st Student: "I am great!"
2nd Student: "I am great great!"
3rd Student: "I am great great great!"
4th Student: "I am... I am 100 great!"

In other news: it's the four month anniversary of my arrival to China! Un-freakin'-believable.

Friday, January 25, 2008

2008-02-19T06:40:00.003-05:00

Today we're leaving Qingdao for Yantai. We left the hotel in a taxi and asked the driver to take us to the long-distance bus station. After driving for a significant amount of time (racking the bill up ever higher), we arrived at this parking lot filled with buses of all shapes and sizes.

We wandered in between all these mammoth vehicles until we finally found a little shack that we assumed was the ticket booth.

We asked for tickets to Yantai and theoretically this should be the easiest thing ever. I mean, you walk up and simply say "Yantai" or if you can, "Yantai, please." Somehow things got complicated, we were relatively certain they were saying they had no tickets to where we were heading. Why on earth not? Is this personal?

After making several phone calls to various Chinese friends, having them talk to the ticket seller and translating back to us, we found out that we were, in fact, at the wrong bus station.

It's times like these that the whole travelling thing feels a bit ridiculous and hopeless.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

2008-02-17T06:02:00.004-05:00

Today was relatively uneventful. We had a late start due to a late night. Well, two of us did, anyway. The third - the Brit - was down with severe food poisoning. That's two down, two to go. Who's next?

Our original plan was to go to the Tsingtao Beer Brewery and get the full tour but the Chinese friend of a friend who was to be our guide suddenly decided we wouldn't have enough time even though we were perfectly on schedule. So instead we drove by in a taxi and took pictures of the front gate.

An interesting side note: the street the brewery was on translated to English as "The Beer Street". On either side of the street were bars upon bars, breweries upon breweries, anything and everything to do with beer for about a block.

Afterwards we headed to the underground market. The perfect place to buy absolutely anything a materialistic heart could desire. Besides electronics anyway. Oh, and for ridiculously cheap prices.

Case in point: a Gucci belt and this tacky Canadian pirate belt ('cause Canada is rife with pirates. In fact pirates are a national symbol in Canada) for a total of 65RMB ($9.15CAD).

A funky watch that shows all the inner workings and mechanics, for about $12CAD.

And uber stylish long john underwear that made me feel about as sexy as roadkill.

Eventually, after eating Thai food and wandering aimlessly, we stopped in at a Starbucks where we decided we'd make a goal of visiting at least one Starbucks in each city we stayed in - provided there was one present.

And we finished the day by enjoying another night of live entertainment at the New York Bar.

Lunch

2008-02-17T05:50:00.002-05:00

So it's back to work for me, unfortunately. I say unfortunately because no matter how enjoyable your job is, there's always something vaguely anti-climactic about having to resume the monotonous life you left for adventures and high times.

It was exhausting waking up at 7:00. It's something my body is no longer used to after being spoiled with late mornings and leisurely days. I felt old and cramped trying to roll out of bed. And it sucks to realize that I'll probably go to bed at the unearthly time of - good lord - 10:00pm.

One thing that quite surprised me though, was how much I missed the dining room food. Chinese food! I hardly touched Chinese food back in Canada. In fact, the only thing I would eat was the white rice. Not even brown rice, just white rice.

I'm honestly not ricest though... haha, get it? Ricest?

For most of the trip I ate Western food or Korean food (more about that later, there's a story behind the Korean food). I didn't realize how much I missed traditional Chinese food over the span of my 3 week trip.

So I suppose there are some perks to resuming the monotonous life.

Wednesday, Janurary 23, 2008

2008-02-16T03:56:00.005-05:00

We arrived in Qingdao in the early evening and discovered our hotel room is a suite. Very nice. Very nice, indeed.

Qingdao has turned out to be a very beautiful city, quite vibrant. And there's blue sky! Actual blue sky! Not like around my school where it's so polluted the sky is more of a grey/blue than actual blue.
.

We spent the day wandering along the shore (the Yellow Sea), along the Qingdao port which is supposed to be the biggest port in China and is among the biggest in the world.

There were many stalls, all of which were selling the same sea paraphernalia, and all of which were desperately trying to get us to buy something from their stand.

At one point we saw three men in speedos swimming in the Yellow Sea. It was approximately 0°C. Absolutely nuts.

According to the Lonely Planet Guide we were dragging around with us everywhere, there was a Germ Warfare Base worth visiting. On our walk we thought we saw it off in the distance and decided to check it out.

After walking for about 45 minutes we came to a really steep hill that was off the beaten track, but we were determined to finish this adventure we'd started. So, up the mini-cliff we went.

Once at the top we realized we were in a residential area and that it most certainly was not the Warfare Base as we were expecting. Or any tourist attraction at all, for that matter.

Eventually we found what could have been a store or a restaurant or something. We figured we'd go in and ask for directions in our very broken Chinese.

We started down the hill and when we were about 5 metres from the driveway entrance, 4 or 5 dogs came out of nowhere barking their heads off. We all simultaneously - and in about 2 seconds - swore every curse word we've ever heard and ran back up the hill with the dogs chasing after us. One of them actually managed to get a hold of the New Zealander's jeans.

Cute? I think not.

Along the main drag was St. Michael's Cathedral.

At night we checked out a bar called The New York Bar. Live entertainment, foreign beer, fun posters, Western food? Yes, please.

I'm baaaaaack!

2008-02-16T02:46:00.003-05:00

Did you miss me?

So, from here on in - along with any regular posts - I shall be amusing/annoying/inspiring jealousy in you with my stories and adventures of my first ever (and certainly not last) backpacking trip. And I'll even add pictures! Of which I have many.

Tuesday January 22, 2008

T = takeoff

T - 60 minutes: wake up. At the ungodly hour of 5:45am. The time of day reserved for chirper morning folk who must seriously have some kind of chemical imbalance to be able to function at such a ridiculous time of day. I'm not a morning person, can ya tell?

T - 45 minutes: find out the fourth person scheduled to join us on the trip is violently ill and in no way prepared to spend eleventy billion hours sitting on the toilet of a train. He's the only one of us that can speak relatively decent Chinese.

T - 10 minutes: I discover that my phone has been stolen. This is unbelievable. I haven't even left yet!

Crap.

I am approximately 86.3% certain I know who stole the phone. There was a boy eyeing me and who even followed me for a short while. I'm pretty sure he pinched it when I took my hand out of my purse for about 15 seconds to hold my pants up out of the mud. It was very crowded and I was distracted so it would have been quite easy.

The only satisfaction I get from this is that he probably expected me to have a really nice, high-tech phone. The stereotype of foreigners is that we're all filthy rich and spend money like we breathe air. Ha! I showed him...

So kids, the lesson learned from this? Wear belts that actually hold your pants up.

The scenery on the way up to Qingdao was actually quite desolate and grey.

Hongmei Park II

2008-01-20T09:05:00.000-05:00

A few more pictures of one of the most gorgeous parks I've ever seen.

Trip

2008-01-20T08:31:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I last posted an entry, and for that, I apologize. I have no real excuse other than the fact that I've been preparing for my upcoming trip!

In case you haven't figured it out yet, I am in China. Since I'm in China I get to celebrate the Chinese New Year. And by celebrate, I mean I get almost an entire month off.

Hello, travel! And goodbye, sitting-in-my-room-feeling-useless!

I'll be heading up North with a few other foreigners where we'll enjoy those great Northern experiences: snowboarding, frostbite, skiing and numb toes.

Our ultimate destination is Harbin, which is currently -21°C.

Why are we going up to the Russian border in ridiculously cold weather? Do we have a deathwish? Are we masochists? Why leave cold weather just to experience even colder weather?

I do not know. If I survive the cold I'll give you answers when I have them.

That being said, I may possibly be taking a hiatus from this blog for the time that I am travelling. I am not certain if where I end up will have easily accessible computers, or if I'll have any typing fingers left after frostbite.

I will, however, be keeping a journal while I am travelling and when I get back you can read all about my misadventures.

Here's a map of where we'll be going. It should take 2-3 weeks to hit everything, but we're not entirely certain as most of the trip is going to be a spontaneous, hope-for-best, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants ordeal.

The path in red is for certain and will include taking at least one bus, train and boat. The path in blue is for the way home and hasn't been decided 100% yet, it'll depend on time and money and whatnot.

KTV

2008-01-17T10:55:00.001-05:00

I've mentioned before my incredible inability to sing, and yes, I'm going to mention it again because it is vitally important to this post.

I went to my first KTV tonight.

But before I get into that further: I spent the last two afternoons in a bedroom music studio helping a couple teachers record a few English songs with the correct pronunciation. Perhaps this is their motivation for inviting me to the KTV - even though I explicitly stated several times that I'm a terrible singer.

It might have been my superb rapping skills. I agreed to let them record me rapping a few lyrics because I figured rapping isn't singing, it's really just poetry. And I happen to be quite good at reading poetry.

Or it might have been because I'm a foreigner.

Or maybe this was the only way they could arrange for me to get a ride home...

For those of you that don't know a KTV is essentially a karaoke bar. Except without the bar.

Instead, your group gathers in a private room with comfortable couches, a tamborine, maracas, and three microphones. There are TVs all over the place with the lyrics and the music video, and there's a buffet outside of the room where you can stuff your face to your hearts content.

Did I mention I'm a horrible singer? Did I also mention I went with nine music teachers?

It took me a while to finally drudge up the courage to make a fool of myself, but I figured if I'm going down as a horrible singer, I might as well do it with some fanfare.

And that is why I chose Barbie Girl by Aqua as my poison of choice.

More Snow!

2008-01-15T05:08:00.000-05:00

Yes, I know this is my second post about snow, but I'm Canadian. So it's allowed.

Today we had our second snowfall and it was so prettiful! More than yesterday, maybe about half a centimetre in total.

Really, I just wanted to let you know that the best place to experience the first decent snowfall of the year is on the school grounds of a foreign country in an area that hasn't seen snow in four years.

The utter glee and excitement was extraordinarily contagious. And an especially magic moment for me was hearing dozens of my students exclaiming "Snow! Snow!" in English and knowing that it's because of me they even know that word.

Although I would be little disturbed if they didn't know it, I actually miss snow and therefore talk about it a lot. I made it one of their vocabulary words. Along with "snowman".

And it was fun to watch them attempt to have snowball fights with what little snow there was, and to just know that - unlike in parts of Canada - snowball fights are not banned from the playgrounds.

Must They Complicate Everything?

2008-01-14T09:07:00.000-05:00

Everytime I want to go into the city I have to take the bus or taxi over a bridge. This is the most complicated bridge I have ever seen in my life.

To cross this bridge, there are multiple ways of getting on and multiple cars coming from multiple directions all at the same time. In my personal experience, the bridges I've seen have always had a mere two ways of getting on: either from this end. Or from that end. Depending on which direction you're going.

This particular bridge has four different ways you can attempt to get on at just the one end.

If you want to go North and you're coming from the East, you have to go North then East under the bridge, then South, then pull a U-turn and go North again.

In Canada you'd make one turn, and drive a couple dozen metres.

There is always a cop directing this mess, no lights, no stop signs, and no speed limits so far as I can see. Through all of this chaos there are buses, trucks, pedestrians, bikes, scooters, wagon-bikes, cars and vans attempting to weave their way through everyone else to go the way they need to go. And of course, all of them are ignoring the no honking sign stuck randomly in the middle of it all.

But here, I took the liberty of drawing a diagram to make things easier for you until I actually remember to bring my camera and take pictures.

What I Learned in China This Weekend

2008-01-13T07:11:00.000-05:00

It's been an eventful weekend. It was a bit of a blast from the plast in a really odd, disconnected way.

It was kind of like a dream. You know how sometimes you'll have a dream and there will be other people that you know from your real life, but they don't look or act or sound like the real person and yet you just know who they really are? And sometimes it will be a really bizarre combination of persons and bodies? Like the person you are shopping with (in your dream) is most certainly your Mom but she just happens to look and sound exactly like Oprah. And it's perfectly normal and logical that your Mom should happen to inhabit Oprah's body, and you don't question or doubt it all. And the mall you're shopping at is most certainly the exact mall you bought your prom dress at, but instead of being in B-town or even Canada, it's in Russia - but you don't question this incontinuity either.

That's exactly what this weekend was like.

It was a blast from the past because I went out clubbing just like I did way back in the day. Y'know, like a good, whole entire 4 or 5 months ago.

In this particular case, my clubbing ended up being an educational experience as well. This is what I learned:

Hangovers are just as annoying and uncomfortable in China as they are in Canada.
The alcohol level of Chinese beer is 3.1%
The Chinese are lightweights and don't generally make it past midnight.
As a foreigner you can get the entire night for free when it could have easily cost approximately $180-200CAD (including drinks and a fruit platter - which is bar finger food out here, by the way)
No matter how badly you dance or how cheesy and circa 1993 your moves are, the Chinese will still think you're the best dancer there.
Anyone you meet who can speak any English at all will declare you their best friend and/or future wife.

Baby's First Snow

2008-01-13T06:46:00.000-05:00

The first snowfall in my area of China in 4 years! Woot! There's a lot more now, but it's too dark to take a picture. Random factoid for you: it's currently warmer in TO than where I am right now.

Heavenly Kings

2008-01-10T04:43:00.000-05:00

Inside Tianning Chansi (Tianning Temple). This is The Hall of Heavenly Kings. Each King stands at approximately 18-20 metres tall. Trust me, the pictures most certainly do not do justice to the absolute beauty and perfection of each statue. They were built in the Qing Dynasty, unfortunately I can't get more specific dates than that. So basically they were built anywhere from 1644-1911AD.

Do Re Mi Continued

2008-01-09T04:40:00.000-05:00

This is what Maria von Trapp looks like when she's teaching Chinese children how to sing:

Video soon to follow. Maybe.

Just so you know...

2008-01-08T05:25:00.000-05:00

That freaky fog is back.

Hot in Herre

2008-01-08T04:45:00.000-05:00

The Chinese have a seriously different approach to the temperature than Canadians.

Where I currently am is warmer than parts of Canada (not cold enough for snow, but cold enough for frost and numb toes) so it's really not surprising that there would be differences in how the two countries prepare for and approach the cold. But I must say - and please don't shoot me - I'd rather take the cold of Canada than the cold of China.

You see, when it's cold in Canada you know you can always count on going inside to the warmth of central heating, or a fireplace or what have you. If you're out shopping at the local mall, you'll probably often end up dragging around your 48lb, down-filled winter jacket like a ball and chain.

And as soon as you enter a building you shed your multiple extra layers: your jacket, scarf, mittens, hat, and your all-purpose rain/snow/salt proof boots. And even without all these layers you're perfectly comfortable chilling on the couch in a sweater and jeans. Maybe even just a tshirt and jeans.

When you're ready (or forced) to brave the cold again, you put your million layers back on, run the few metres to the car, and crank the heater up to full blast until that hot air actually dries your eyes out and you have to furiously start blinking to bring moisture back to them.

And then you pull into your driveway, park in the garage - or as close to the front door as you possibly can with those blasted snowbanks in the way - run the few metres to the door, strip off your million layers, pull on your comfy, warm slippers, grab a mug of hot chocolate, tea or coffee and relax in front of the gas fireplace that warms up the room in mere minutes.

It's not like that in China.

At all.

No, instead I'll be teaching my class in around 0°C weather. I'll have on my winter jacket (bought in Canada, made in China), my fall jacket (bought in China, made in France), a long sleeve collared shirt, a long sleeve tshirt, a tank top, jeans, thick socks (which are impossible to find in China), and a scarf. The windows will have been left open overnight for "fresh air" so I can easily see my breath and I'll usually start the lesson visibly shivering.

Once the lesson is done I'll go to my office where it's a few degrees warmer because the room is a fair bit smaller and occasionally they'll decide to turn on the heater. The heater, of course, is at the other side of the room, while I'm right next to the door which is constantly being swung open and closed with visitors.

But then - at the opposite end of the spectrum - I burn my mouth on food that is so hot it really ought to come with warning label. Yet everyone else will gulp down a bowlful of soup in the same amount of time it takes me to blow on one spoonful to a drinkable temperature.

Go figure.

Branded

2008-01-07T05:00:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, on occasion, I feel like I'm living on an entirely different planet. Sometimes it surprises me when something from back home pop up into my life out here.

For instance, brand names.

Like when I see Nestle chocolate bars:

Or yogurt from Danone (which, by the way, was started in Montreal):

Or bottles of Coke (although, this doesn't really surprise me. I doubt I'd be surprised to find Coke bottles on the Titanic):

So it was a bit startling today to find one of the other teachers watching the Broadway production of Cats on the Chinese version of youtube.

School Performance

2008-01-06T07:53:00.001-05:00

Here are some photos from the performances on Friday. I had to wear the red and gold dress when I did the ballroom dance last week.

Skating

2008-01-06T06:56:00.000-05:00

An American, a Brit, a New Zealander, 2 Chinese and a Canadian walk into a skating rink...

I went ice skating today. It was quite fun. The rink was ridiculously small and there were probably more people falling to the ground than there were actually skating at any given time. The skates were actually surpisingly comfortable. Comfier than any that I've ever rented or owned in Canada.

When you first walk in to pay, there's a sign on the desk that says, "Before skating, please buy gloves and insurance for safety."

I'd gone skating many times back in Canada and I've never considered myself very good. I'm honestly not being immodest here. So when I was asked if I was any good at skating, I gave an honest answer, "I'm not that great. I can move, and turn, but I can't really stop."

But this was before I saw them trying to skate.

In contrast, I'd put Mats Sundin and Elvis Stojko to shame. When they accused me of lying I defended myself by saying that by Canadian standards, I'm actually really not that great.

I'm sure that made them feel better.

But really, I think Canadians are born with an extra gene that enables them to wear a blade and function on ice better than most.

Brava!

2008-01-06T06:15:00.000-05:00

So I did my Do Re Mi/The Sound of Music play. We travelled to another school about half an hour away, in front of an audience of about 350 parents. It went fantastically well. Without a hitch.

I can't remember if I mentioned that I got out of having to sing the actual song. But I did. Yay me. I repeatedly insisted - with a great deal of gesticulation - and threw little temper tantrums everytime someone mentioned me actually singing. Instead, we compromised that I would sing out loud to the soundtrack that would pretty much drown out my voice. They mostly just wanted to fool the audience into thinking that it was actually me singing. That I could actually sing like Julie Andrews. Bah ha.

But the Chinese like to be cunning. Or like to think they are cunning.

Right before the play they gave me a clip-on mic, said they would turn it off and that it was just basically a prop to further fool the audience.

I'd like to think I'm relatively intelligent, so I put on my best naïve "I'm a dumb foreigner" look (I have perfected this look. It's magnificent) and agreed to wear the mic "so long as it's turned off, it's for the safety of everyone in this building." They nodded and reminded me to sing loudly.

They obviously didn't think I would know how to turn off the mic.

I'm proud to say I sang loudly and remarkably like Julie Andrews. I mean, you really couldn't tell the difference. In fact, if I didn't know better, I'd almost believe I was just lip synching.

They filmed the whole thing. I asked for a copy, so as soon as I get it I'll seriously debate posting it on this here blog.

And it turns out I didn't have to wear the prom dress! It was too cold, I was visibly shivering during the dress rehearsal so they took pity; and either I had shrunk or the dress grew as it didn't fit like it did when we first got it; on top of which, it looked bizarre: this random foreigner in a prom dress teaching kids - in outfits made out of curtains - how to sing.

I've been in the theatre industry for years (high school theatre counts) so I know a thing or two about stage makeup. But this is a new look, even for me:

There's about three layers of makeup on my face: foundation, whitening (which, by the way, is pretty much the only kind of lotion you can get out here) and the blush, eye shadow etc.

Hongmei Park

2008-01-03T07:59:00.000-05:00

Hongmei Temple: parts of this temple are over 1000 years old. Magnificent, no?

Hongmei Ge Pavillion: built in 1295.

Milk

2008-01-03T07:19:00.000-05:00

For Christmas I got some chocolate milk mix, which meant, of course, that I had to get some milk. I could just mix it in water as I know some people do but that's just gross. Why would you do that when it's not called "chocolate water"?

I have bought milk in China before and it can come in a carton just like in Canada - or more commonly in the US - but I've found it quite difficult to actually find said milk. Usually they come in little personal bags, and you just stick a straw in it - but then I have to deal with figuring out which kind of milk I want. They don't have just plain milk, nor do they have the options of skim, 1%, 2% or homo milk.

No, that's too simple. Instead I have to try to decipher Chinese; or find someone who speaks English; or try to figure it out from the pictures (which is way more difficult than it sounds, in my defense) which ones are soy milk, which ones are strawberry milk, which ones are cocoa milk (it's really not chocolate, trust me, I know these things), which ones are regular milk, which ones are blueberry milk (I think, don't hold me to that), or which ones are actually yogurt.

Normally I wouldn't really care, I'd just grab a box of bags of milk and hope for the best. But in this particular case, I'd really rather not mix my Nestle chocolate mix into soy milk - or worse - into yogurt. So I actually spent about 5 solid minutes in the milk section trying to figure out which one would end up working the best with the chocolate mix.

What I ended up choosing tasted like regular milk but with an aftertaste of soy milk. I haven't tried it with the mix yet, so here's hoping for the best!

Ants

2008-01-02T08:27:00.001-05:00

K, I'm gonna try and post one picture, even if it comes up as failed on my end, maybe it'll work for the rest of the world.

This is a very common sight in China. It makes me think of ants.

Foreigner's Trip to the Hospital

2008-01-02T07:30:00.000-05:00

So today I went to the hospital.

It's all good, I spend a lot of time there. I choose to spend my spare time at the local hospital trying to pick up. Doctors, of course, not patients.

No, I actually went in because of a painful rash. I know you all wanted to know that. Don't you feel so much closer to me now? Anyway, turns out it's a flesh-eating bacteria that will consume and kill me within the next week and there's really nothing I can do about it.

I'm serious.

Well, maybe not. I really don't know. I don't speak Chinese. But you know, theoretically, it could be true.

They gave me some "medical" (medicine) for it, as well as some pills for the cough that makes me sound like a 63 year old, long term cigarette addict (I'm about 80% certain the hacking is because of the pollution).

I've been to the hospital in China before - I had to get a full physical for my Z-visa - but it still amazes me to walk through the halls and think to myself, "whoa, I'm in a hospital in China! How many people can say they've been to a hospital in China!?" (approximately 1.3 billion people if everyone China has been to one). It's really satisfying that I can tick that particular point off of my "Things To Do Before You Die" list.

Well, I would post a picture of the Chinese "medical" (medicine) and maybe even some fun pictures of the flesh-eating bacteria, but unfortunately, as of late, my photos refuse to upload. So I apologize that my blog is not as visually appealing as it could/would/should be, and that I'm not quite as diligent in posting as usual - it gets a bit ridiculous spending hours trying to upload one or two photos just to have it show up as a big red X.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2008-01-01T07:31:00.000-05:00

So, for my New Years in China I went to house party at a foreigner's house. It was pretty sweet, met lots more people, drank some cheap knock-off beer, attempted to sing along with the Chinese performer at the countdown concert (on tv), and played the most international game of Kings (Sociables) ever.

I spent the day in the city after having far too little sleep. I went back to the DVD store owned by the Chinese Mafia - very friendly people, by the way - where I bought the first four seasons of Nip/Tuck and a couple of movies. I also spent a few minutes recommending Johnny Depp movies to some more foreigners.

It's like a total floodgate of foreigners, now. I swear, I think they're stalking me. I'm gonna be so sick of them soon that I'll choose to lock myself in my room with all my pirated DVDs bought from the Mafia, I'll have my Tweety Bird slippers on, and be huddled under my pretty duvet eating superhero cookies.

Later in the afternoon I saw a movie in the cinema called The Warlords. It was entirely in Chinese with Chinese subtitles, so I couldn't tell you if the plot was any good, or if the actors were too forced. I can, however, tell you that it was cinematically beautiful and hands down the most gory war movie I personally have ever seen. So, y'know, if ya like blood and guts and Chinese men screaming at the top of their lungs go see it!

Afterwards, we did some more shopping where I bought a jacket, a sweater-thing, and 2 scarves. We then went to McDonalds where I somehow accidently ordered two of almost everything: one large fries and one small fries; one large cola and one small cola; and only one chicken burger. I have absolutely no clue at all how that happened.

Eugh, but it is the hardest and most self-esteem damaging thing: shopping in China. As a foreigner anyway. My boobs are absolutely ginormous out here. I feel like Pamela Anderson but without the multiple marriages and slutty ho reputation. And this is just for buying tops, I'm gonna put off buying pants for as long as I can as there is no way I'll be able to fit my derriere into pants made with Chinese people in mind.

So I did some comparison shopping, just to further rub in your face how cheap China is. In total, my day's purchases included the following:

Whale Rider - Special Edition
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou - Special Edition
Hard Candy
Season 1-4 of Nip/Tuck
A heavy wool jacket from Nimsense (I think)
A cotton sweater-thing from South Beach
A wool scarf
An acrylic scarf
McDonalds meal

For all of the above I paid 728RMB. Or, to put it in perspective, $99.43CAD. Ooh yeah, baby! For the DVDs alone it would have cost me $253.18 on Amazon.ca.

Don't you hate me just a little bit right now?

Moisturizer

2007-12-30T05:13:00.000-05:00

The instructions on how to use the moisturizer I bought:

Method of using: Sooner or later after face, take just the right amount of even draw in the face, massage to the complete absorption lightly.

24

2007-12-30T02:05:00.000-05:00

This is a quick rundown of what's happened to me in the past 24 hours:

Taught my Monday morning classes
Went with the Chinese teachers to another school where I was given a microphone, brought up in front of about 200-225 people to learn how to speak the local dialect of Chinese
Showed off my mad ballroom dancing skillz in front of the same 200-225 people
Got naked with a bunch of Chinese women in the swankiest and nicest bath house I've ever seen (technically also the only bath house I've ever seen)
Was given a set of pyjamas to wear to the buffet in the bath house
Took part in an impromptu photo shoot so the Chinese teachers would have pictures stored in their mobile phones to show their friends that they do, in fact, know a foreigner
Played a card game that used 4 full decks of cards and lost miserably. The lost in translation thing was the main cause for my loss. I'm confident that if we could speak the same language I would have whupped all their asses
Ate sugar cane. I think. Again with being lost in translation
Hopped in a cab and met up with a foreigner who then introduced me to 14-15 other foreigners
Hung out at the western bar until 3am
Got a total of about 3 hours of sleep
Had a pleasant chat with more foreigners in that elusive Starbucks
Went to a DVD store owned by the Chinese mafia. I am certain that within the next few weeks I will have bought out the entire store and will have the most extensive personal collection of DVDs ever
Was almost hit by a bus but was saved by a girl who had to have been only 15 or 16; and who shook her head in that way that all the Chinese do when they save foreigners from demon buses "tsk, silly, dumb foreigner"

They're Everywhere

2007-12-28T07:59:00.001-05:00

I can state with absolute scientific certainty that mobile phones are an extra appendage that actually grow naturally on the Chinese people.

Seriously, everyone has one: people who have mere scraps of fabric for clothing because they can't afford anything else; people who live on farms in the middle of nowhere; the poor; the rich; the old; the young.

I went to a temple that was hundreds of years old and (understandably) found myself completely lost in thought. This place was huge and incredibly old and so majestic that I felt I was in another time period entirely. And I was - oh so ironically - brought back to reality by the ringing of the monk's phone.

Picture your classic bald, peaceful-looking monk in mangy brown robes whipping out a Razor cell phone. Yeah.

This father/daughter team are currently running a three-legged race. Yes, while he's on the phone. Can you say multi-tasking?

Cheap

2007-12-27T08:06:00.000-05:00

Today I am going to waste your time by talking about my slippers.

Not really.

I am, however, going to post a picture of them and brag that they cost a little under $2CAD.

Haha! I can get super cheap Tweety Bird knock-off slippers! And yooou caaan't!

Well, I mean, unless you went shopping in China. Or someplace else equally cheap...