Hongmei Park II

A few more pictures of one of the most gorgeous parks I've ever seen.

Trip

It's been a while since I last posted an entry, and for that, I apologize. I have no real excuse other than the fact that I've been preparing for my upcoming trip!

In case you haven't figured it out yet, I am in China. Since I'm in China I get to celebrate the Chinese New Year. And by celebrate, I mean I get almost an entire month off.

Hello, travel! And goodbye, sitting-in-my-room-feeling-useless!

I'll be heading up North with a few other foreigners where we'll enjoy those great Northern experiences: snowboarding, frostbite, skiing and numb toes.

Our ultimate destination is Harbin, which is currently -21°C.

Why are we going up to the Russian border in ridiculously cold weather? Do we have a deathwish? Are we masochists? Why leave cold weather just to experience even colder weather?

I do not know. If I survive the cold I'll give you answers when I have them.

That being said, I may possibly be taking a hiatus from this blog for the time that I am travelling. I am not certain if where I end up will have easily accessible computers, or if I'll have any typing fingers left after frostbite.

I will, however, be keeping a journal while I am travelling and when I get back you can read all about my misadventures.

Here's a map of where we'll be going. It should take 2-3 weeks to hit everything, but we're not entirely certain as most of the trip is going to be a spontaneous, hope-for-best, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants ordeal.

The path in red is for certain and will include taking at least one bus, train and boat. The path in blue is for the way home and hasn't been decided 100% yet, it'll depend on time and money and whatnot.

KTV

I've mentioned before my incredible inability to sing, and yes, I'm going to mention it again because it is vitally important to this post.

I went to my first KTV tonight.

But before I get into that further: I spent the last two afternoons in a bedroom music studio helping a couple teachers record a few English songs with the correct pronunciation. Perhaps this is their motivation for inviting me to the KTV - even though I explicitly stated several times that I'm a terrible singer.

It might have been my superb rapping skills. I agreed to let them record me rapping a few lyrics because I figured rapping isn't singing, it's really just poetry. And I happen to be quite good at reading poetry.

Or it might have been because I'm a foreigner.

Or maybe this was the only way they could arrange for me to get a ride home...

For those of you that don't know a KTV is essentially a karaoke bar. Except without the bar.

Instead, your group gathers in a private room with comfortable couches, a tamborine, maracas, and three microphones. There are TVs all over the place with the lyrics and the music video, and there's a buffet outside of the room where you can stuff your face to your hearts content.

Did I mention I'm a horrible singer? Did I also mention I went with nine music teachers?

It took me a while to finally drudge up the courage to make a fool of myself, but I figured if I'm going down as a horrible singer, I might as well do it with some fanfare.

And that is why I chose Barbie Girl by Aqua as my poison of choice.

More Snow!

Yes, I know this is my second post about snow, but I'm Canadian. So it's allowed.

Today we had our second snowfall and it was so prettiful! More than yesterday, maybe about half a centimetre in total.

Really, I just wanted to let you know that the best place to experience the first decent snowfall of the year is on the school grounds of a foreign country in an area that hasn't seen snow in four years.

The utter glee and excitement was extraordinarily contagious. And an especially magic moment for me was hearing dozens of my students exclaiming "Snow! Snow!" in English and knowing that it's because of me they even know that word.

Although I would be little disturbed if they didn't know it, I actually miss snow and therefore talk about it a lot. I made it one of their vocabulary words. Along with "snowman".

And it was fun to watch them attempt to have snowball fights with what little snow there was, and to just know that - unlike in parts of Canada - snowball fights are not banned from the playgrounds.

Must They Complicate Everything?

Everytime I want to go into the city I have to take the bus or taxi over a bridge. This is the most complicated bridge I have ever seen in my life.

To cross this bridge, there are multiple ways of getting on and multiple cars coming from multiple directions all at the same time. In my personal experience, the bridges I've seen have always had a mere two ways of getting on: either from this end. Or from that end. Depending on which direction you're going.

This particular bridge has four different ways you can attempt to get on at just the one end.

If you want to go North and you're coming from the East, you have to go North then East under the bridge, then South, then pull a U-turn and go North again.

In Canada you'd make one turn, and drive a couple dozen metres.

There is always a cop directing this mess, no lights, no stop signs, and no speed limits so far as I can see. Through all of this chaos there are buses, trucks, pedestrians, bikes, scooters, wagon-bikes, cars and vans attempting to weave their way through everyone else to go the way they need to go. And of course, all of them are ignoring the no honking sign stuck randomly in the middle of it all.

But here, I took the liberty of drawing a diagram to make things easier for you until I actually remember to bring my camera and take pictures.

What I Learned in China This Weekend

It's been an eventful weekend. It was a bit of a blast from the plast in a really odd, disconnected way.

It was kind of like a dream. You know how sometimes you'll have a dream and there will be other people that you know from your real life, but they don't look or act or sound like the real person and yet you just know who they really are? And sometimes it will be a really bizarre combination of persons and bodies? Like the person you are shopping with (in your dream) is most certainly your Mom but she just happens to look and sound exactly like Oprah. And it's perfectly normal and logical that your Mom should happen to inhabit Oprah's body, and you don't question or doubt it all. And the mall you're shopping at is most certainly the exact mall you bought your prom dress at, but instead of being in B-town or even Canada, it's in Russia - but you don't question this incontinuity either.

That's exactly what this weekend was like.

It was a blast from the past because I went out clubbing just like I did way back in the day. Y'know, like a good, whole entire 4 or 5 months ago.

In this particular case, my clubbing ended up being an educational experience as well. This is what I learned:

1. Hangovers are just as annoying and uncomfortable in China as they are in Canada.
2. The alcohol level of Chinese beer is 3.1%
3. The Chinese are lightweights and don't generally make it past midnight.
4. As a foreigner you can get the entire night for free when it could have easily cost approximately $180-200CAD (including drinks and a fruit platter - which is bar finger food out here, by the way)
5. No matter how badly you dance or how cheesy and circa 1993 your moves are, the Chinese will still think you're the best dancer there.
6. Anyone you meet who can speak any English at all will declare you their best friend and/or future wife.

Baby's First Snow

The first snowfall in my area of China in 4 years! Woot! There's a lot more now, but it's too dark to take a picture. Random factoid for you: it's currently warmer in TO than where I am right now.

Heavenly Kings

Inside Tianning Chansi (Tianning Temple). This is The Hall of Heavenly Kings. Each King stands at approximately 18-20 metres tall. Trust me, the pictures most certainly do not do justice to the absolute beauty and perfection of each statue. They were built in the Qing Dynasty, unfortunately I can't get more specific dates than that. So basically they were built anywhere from 1644-1911AD.

Do Re Mi Continued

This is what Maria von Trapp looks like when she's teaching Chinese children how to sing:

Video soon to follow. Maybe.

Just so you know...

That freaky fog is back.

Hot in Herre

The Chinese have a seriously different approach to the temperature than Canadians.

Where I currently am is warmer than parts of Canada (not cold enough for snow, but cold enough for frost and numb toes) so it's really not surprising that there would be differences in how the two countries prepare for and approach the cold. But I must say - and please don't shoot me - I'd rather take the cold of Canada than the cold of China.

You see, when it's cold in Canada you know you can always count on going inside to the warmth of central heating, or a fireplace or what have you. If you're out shopping at the local mall, you'll probably often end up dragging around your 48lb, down-filled winter jacket like a ball and chain.

And as soon as you enter a building you shed your multiple extra layers: your jacket, scarf, mittens, hat, and your all-purpose rain/snow/salt proof boots. And even without all these layers you're perfectly comfortable chilling on the couch in a sweater and jeans. Maybe even just a tshirt and jeans.

When you're ready (or forced) to brave the cold again, you put your million layers back on, run the few metres to the car, and crank the heater up to full blast until that hot air actually dries your eyes out and you have to furiously start blinking to bring moisture back to them.

And then you pull into your driveway, park in the garage - or as close to the front door as you possibly can with those blasted snowbanks in the way - run the few metres to the door, strip off your million layers, pull on your comfy, warm slippers, grab a mug of hot chocolate, tea or coffee and relax in front of the gas fireplace that warms up the room in mere minutes.

It's not like that in China.

At all.

No, instead I'll be teaching my class in around 0°C weather. I'll have on my winter jacket (bought in Canada, made in China), my fall jacket (bought in China, made in France), a long sleeve collared shirt, a long sleeve tshirt, a tank top, jeans, thick socks (which are impossible to find in China), and a scarf. The windows will have been left open overnight for "fresh air" so I can easily see my breath and I'll usually start the lesson visibly shivering.

Once the lesson is done I'll go to my office where it's a few degrees warmer because the room is a fair bit smaller and occasionally they'll decide to turn on the heater. The heater, of course, is at the other side of the room, while I'm right next to the door which is constantly being swung open and closed with visitors.

But then - at the opposite end of the spectrum - I burn my mouth on food that is so hot it really ought to come with warning label. Yet everyone else will gulp down a bowlful of soup in the same amount of time it takes me to blow on one spoonful to a drinkable temperature.

Go figure.

Branded

Sometimes, on occasion, I feel like I'm living on an entirely different planet. Sometimes it surprises me when something from back home pop up into my life out here.

For instance, brand names.

Like when I see Nestle chocolate bars:

Or yogurt from Danone (which, by the way, was started in Montreal):

Or bottles of Coke (although, this doesn't really surprise me. I doubt I'd be surprised to find Coke bottles on the Titanic):

So it was a bit startling today to find one of the other teachers watching the Broadway production of Cats on the Chinese version of youtube.

School Performance

Here are some photos from the performances on Friday. I had to wear the red and gold dress when I did the ballroom dance last week.

Skating

An American, a Brit, a New Zealander, 2 Chinese and a Canadian walk into a skating rink...

I went ice skating today. It was quite fun. The rink was ridiculously small and there were probably more people falling to the ground than there were actually skating at any given time. The skates were actually surpisingly comfortable. Comfier than any that I've ever rented or owned in Canada.

When you first walk in to pay, there's a sign on the desk that says, "Before skating, please buy gloves and insurance for safety."

I'd gone skating many times back in Canada and I've never considered myself very good. I'm honestly not being immodest here. So when I was asked if I was any good at skating, I gave an honest answer, "I'm not that great. I can move, and turn, but I can't really stop."

But this was before I saw them trying to skate.

In contrast, I'd put Mats Sundin and Elvis Stojko to shame. When they accused me of lying I defended myself by saying that by Canadian standards, I'm actually really not that great.

I'm sure that made them feel better.

But really, I think Canadians are born with an extra gene that enables them to wear a blade and function on ice better than most.

Brava!

So I did my Do Re Mi/The Sound of Music play. We travelled to another school about half an hour away, in front of an audience of about 350 parents. It went fantastically well. Without a hitch.

I can't remember if I mentioned that I got out of having to sing the actual song. But I did. Yay me. I repeatedly insisted - with a great deal of gesticulation - and threw little temper tantrums everytime someone mentioned me actually singing. Instead, we compromised that I would sing out loud to the soundtrack that would pretty much drown out my voice. They mostly just wanted to fool the audience into thinking that it was actually me singing. That I could actually sing like Julie Andrews. Bah ha.

But the Chinese like to be cunning. Or like to think they are cunning.

Right before the play they gave me a clip-on mic, said they would turn it off and that it was just basically a prop to further fool the audience.

I'd like to think I'm relatively intelligent, so I put on my best naïve "I'm a dumb foreigner" look (I have perfected this look. It's magnificent) and agreed to wear the mic "so long as it's turned off, it's for the safety of everyone in this building." They nodded and reminded me to sing loudly.

They obviously didn't think I would know how to turn off the mic.

I'm proud to say I sang loudly and remarkably like Julie Andrews. I mean, you really couldn't tell the difference. In fact, if I didn't know better, I'd almost believe I was just lip synching.

They filmed the whole thing. I asked for a copy, so as soon as I get it I'll seriously debate posting it on this here blog.

And it turns out I didn't have to wear the prom dress! It was too cold, I was visibly shivering during the dress rehearsal so they took pity; and either I had shrunk or the dress grew as it didn't fit like it did when we first got it; on top of which, it looked bizarre: this random foreigner in a prom dress teaching kids - in outfits made out of curtains - how to sing.

I've been in the theatre industry for years (high school theatre counts) so I know a thing or two about stage makeup. But this is a new look, even for me:

There's about three layers of makeup on my face: foundation, whitening (which, by the way, is pretty much the only kind of lotion you can get out here) and the blush, eye shadow etc.

Hongmei Park

Hongmei Temple: parts of this temple are over 1000 years old. Magnificent, no?

Hongmei Ge Pavillion: built in 1295.

Milk

For Christmas I got some chocolate milk mix, which meant, of course, that I had to get some milk. I could just mix it in water as I know some people do but that's just gross. Why would you do that when it's not called "chocolate water"?

I have bought milk in China before and it can come in a carton just like in Canada - or more commonly in the US - but I've found it quite difficult to actually find said milk. Usually they come in little personal bags, and you just stick a straw in it - but then I have to deal with figuring out which kind of milk I want. They don't have just plain milk, nor do they have the options of skim, 1%, 2% or homo milk.

No, that's too simple. Instead I have to try to decipher Chinese; or find someone who speaks English; or try to figure it out from the pictures (which is way more difficult than it sounds, in my defense) which ones are soy milk, which ones are strawberry milk, which ones are cocoa milk (it's really not chocolate, trust me, I know these things), which ones are regular milk, which ones are blueberry milk (I think, don't hold me to that), or which ones are actually yogurt.

Normally I wouldn't really care, I'd just grab a box of bags of milk and hope for the best. But in this particular case, I'd really rather not mix my Nestle chocolate mix into soy milk - or worse - into yogurt. So I actually spent about 5 solid minutes in the milk section trying to figure out which one would end up working the best with the chocolate mix.

What I ended up choosing tasted like regular milk but with an aftertaste of soy milk. I haven't tried it with the mix yet, so here's hoping for the best!

Ants

K, I'm gonna try and post one picture, even if it comes up as failed on my end, maybe it'll work for the rest of the world.

This is a very common sight in China. It makes me think of ants.

Foreigner's Trip to the Hospital

So today I went to the hospital.

It's all good, I spend a lot of time there. I choose to spend my spare time at the local hospital trying to pick up. Doctors, of course, not patients.

No, I actually went in because of a painful rash. I know you all wanted to know that. Don't you feel so much closer to me now? Anyway, turns out it's a flesh-eating bacteria that will consume and kill me within the next week and there's really nothing I can do about it.

I'm serious.

Well, maybe not. I really don't know. I don't speak Chinese. But you know, theoretically, it could be true.

They gave me some "medical" (medicine) for it, as well as some pills for the cough that makes me sound like a 63 year old, long term cigarette addict (I'm about 80% certain the hacking is because of the pollution).

I've been to the hospital in China before - I had to get a full physical for my Z-visa - but it still amazes me to walk through the halls and think to myself, "whoa, I'm in a hospital in China! How many people can say they've been to a hospital in China!?" (approximately 1.3 billion people if everyone China has been to one). It's really satisfying that I can tick that particular point off of my "Things To Do Before You Die" list.


Well, I would post a picture of the Chinese "medical" (medicine) and maybe even some fun pictures of the flesh-eating bacteria, but unfortunately, as of late, my photos refuse to upload. So I apologize that my blog is not as visually appealing as it could/would/should be, and that I'm not quite as diligent in posting as usual - it gets a bit ridiculous spending hours trying to upload one or two photos just to have it show up as a big red X.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

So, for my New Years in China I went to house party at a foreigner's house. It was pretty sweet, met lots more people, drank some cheap knock-off beer, attempted to sing along with the Chinese performer at the countdown concert (on tv), and played the most international game of Kings (Sociables) ever.

I spent the day in the city after having far too little sleep. I went back to the DVD store owned by the Chinese Mafia - very friendly people, by the way - where I bought the first four seasons of Nip/Tuck and a couple of movies. I also spent a few minutes recommending Johnny Depp movies to some more foreigners.

It's like a total floodgate of foreigners, now. I swear, I think they're stalking me. I'm gonna be so sick of them soon that I'll choose to lock myself in my room with all my pirated DVDs bought from the Mafia, I'll have my Tweety Bird slippers on, and be huddled under my pretty duvet eating superhero cookies.

Later in the afternoon I saw a movie in the cinema called The Warlords. It was entirely in Chinese with Chinese subtitles, so I couldn't tell you if the plot was any good, or if the actors were too forced. I can, however, tell you that it was cinematically beautiful and hands down the most gory war movie I personally have ever seen. So, y'know, if ya like blood and guts and Chinese men screaming at the top of their lungs go see it!

Afterwards, we did some more shopping where I bought a jacket, a sweater-thing, and 2 scarves. We then went to McDonalds where I somehow accidently ordered two of almost everything: one large fries and one small fries; one large cola and one small cola; and only one chicken burger. I have absolutely no clue at all how that happened.

Eugh, but it is the hardest and most self-esteem damaging thing: shopping in China. As a foreigner anyway. My boobs are absolutely ginormous out here. I feel like Pamela Anderson but without the multiple marriages and slutty ho reputation. And this is just for buying tops, I'm gonna put off buying pants for as long as I can as there is no way I'll be able to fit my derriere into pants made with Chinese people in mind.

So I did some comparison shopping, just to further rub in your face how cheap China is. In total, my day's purchases included the following:

• Whale Rider - Special Edition
• The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou - Special Edition
• Hard Candy
• Season 1-4 of Nip/Tuck
• A heavy wool jacket from Nimsense (I think)
• A cotton sweater-thing from South Beach
• A wool scarf
• An acrylic scarf
• McDonalds meal

For all of the above I paid 728RMB. Or, to put it in perspective, $99.43CAD. Ooh yeah, baby! For the DVDs alone it would have cost me $253.18 on Amazon.ca.

Don't you hate me just a little bit right now?