24

This is a quick rundown of what's happened to me in the past 24 hours:

• Taught my Monday morning classes
• Went with the Chinese teachers to another school where I was given a microphone, brought up in front of about 200-225 people to learn how to speak the local dialect of Chinese
• Showed off my mad ballroom dancing skillz in front of the same 200-225 people
• Got naked with a bunch of Chinese women in the swankiest and nicest bath house I've ever seen (technically also the only bath house I've ever seen)
• Was given a set of pyjamas to wear to the buffet in the bath house
• Took part in an impromptu photo shoot so the Chinese teachers would have pictures stored in their mobile phones to show their friends that they do, in fact, know a foreigner
• Played a card game that used 4 full decks of cards and lost miserably. The lost in translation thing was the main cause for my loss. I'm confident that if we could speak the same language I would have whupped all their asses
• Ate sugar cane. I think. Again with being lost in translation
• Hopped in a cab and met up with a foreigner who then introduced me to 14-15 other foreigners
• Hung out at the western bar until 3am
• Got a total of about 3 hours of sleep
• Had a pleasant chat with more foreigners in that elusive Starbucks
• Went to a DVD store owned by the Chinese mafia. I am certain that within the next few weeks I will have bought out the entire store and will have the most extensive personal collection of DVDs ever
• Was almost hit by a bus but was saved by a girl who had to have been only 15 or 16; and who shook her head in that way that all the Chinese do when they save foreigners from demon buses "tsk, silly, dumb foreigner"